Feeling cruddy today!

I have a UTI and I have to go to the dr's without medical insurance, which when we are done will cost us about another $70 bucks. I thought about just omitting the fact that we no longer have insurance when I go but that wouldn't be right so I told them the truth on the phone. They did say to talk to the dr when I'm there and maybe they might have some samples around to give me to at least save the cost of the prescription. I'll see tomorrow when I go. I'm just frustrated with my body for getting another one. I've been plagued with UTI's my entire life. As a kid I couldn't have soda or take bubble baths and had to extra careful about going to the bathroom as soon as I thought I had to go. I even had to take a note in from my dr. At the beginning of each year to the teacher excusing me to the bathroom if needed. I didn't get a lot of them but enough that by the time I hit my teenage years they did a bunch of testing. The basic answer is I was just built wrong, too many things, to close together and bacteria is easily transferred. I follow a whole list of rules: white cotton panties only, no thongs, no baths(bubble or otherwise, though I do occasionally indulge), at least one glass of cranberry juice a day, going to the bathroom before/after sex(and this is hard cause sometimes I can't go twice in a 30 or so minute time period). Still once a year, despite my best efforts, one appears. The funny thing is, is last year I got one at about the same time, in similar circumstances(no medical insurance). I'm going to ask if I can have a double prescription in case this pops up again before we are re-insured. I will probably be denied but I can try. It's also frustrating that even as a long term, good patients, that I can't get them to prescribe to me over the phone. I do understand the reasons, I do, but it's not like I'm trying to cope major drugs, just a tiny little antibiotic. One look at my chart over the past decade will show you that UTI's are my Achilles heel so to speak.

It also means having to borrow my MIL's car. We did at one time have two cars. Our second car, my car, was a 20 year old jeep that guzzled a ton of gas but was serviceable for a few trips to the school, grocery store, library, the bus stop if it was raining. Last April the steering pump developed a leak. The part was minor it was getting to it that was a problem. So we parked it. At that time it wasn't too horrible because Dh was less than 10 miles from home. He could take a break, pick me up, I could take him back to work, do what I needed to do, go back and get him at the end of the day. He was also often home as early as 3pm, I could do stuff then and still have plenty of time for dinner and bedtimes. He is now 35 miles away from home so taking him to work is not really and option at this point. He also gets home much later in the evenings, often to late for errands, dinner and still be home in time to put the kids to bed. I now find my weekends filled with errands. I really hate doing things on Saturdays since things are so much more crowded.

I had held out the brief hope that maybe we could somehow find a way to fix my car. That dream died a couple of weeks ago when we discovered our "main" car needed about 1,000 of suspension work(that was the work quote for parts and labor). My BIL is a mechanic and we traded the Jeep for the price of parts and he will put the stuff on for us. It's something we have to do with the distance that DH travels in a day. It was a fair trade and it's cutting us a deal. Maybe down the road we can buy it back....

I also feel the need to clarify some of my credit cards woes based on some feedback I got. I *do* accept responsibility for getting myself in this spot. I was frivolous with it at times(though I tried to correct that in the last few years). I also understand we should of prepared for DH being out of work. We did have a nest egg and were somewhat prepared the first time. Because of that first lay off and really a winter plagued with a bunch of unforeseen mishaps that got eaten away so when he got laid off again we were not in good shape.

I also can totally see my credit card's point. I made an agreement, I'm not meeting that agreement, and I'm sure they hear a million sob stories a day. They are a business and have to run it like one. If they made allowances for me, then they would have to do it for lots of other people, next thing you know they are out of business and all their employees are out of a job. I get that.

But what I don't get is how is hounding me 3X a week going to make me pay them? Seriously, if I'm telling you on Monday that I have no money, do you think that has drastically changed by Wednesday? This was true of over the summer when Dh wasn't working. Even if he got a job on a Tuesday, after I talked to them on Monday, do you think by Friday he would have a paycheck? Most places can take at least a week for the payroll process. The two biggest examples of what were they thinking was the fact that last Friday I talked to 2 people, 2. At at 8 something Monday morning they were back on the phone asking me for money? What do you think happened over the weekend? I won the lottery....Another example was I made a payment online, before noon, cause they say if you pay by noon on a business day, your payment will be credited that day. Not two hours after I made the payment they were calling me asking if I could send more. Um, don't you think if I had more I would of? Seriously.

Still I'm trying to take it in stride. I will continue to pay them what I can, when I can. Dh's last job really taught us a lot. It may of paid well but it was sucking the life out of him. He was having chest pains, heart palpitations, he was sick twice in that 7mth period(he's *never* sick) and had a bunch of abnormal blood count results. Emotionally he was just cold, distant, snappy, hardly laughed and really just disconnected from most of the people around him. He just wanted to come home and watch TV. It was a hard thing for me to understand at the time because he didn't tell me how bad it had gotten(he didn't want me to worry). I've never seen anyone more relieved to lose a job in my life. Even now with him back to work he's not nearly as stressed. He likes the pace of the office, likes the people he's working with and is really excited about the chance to really help this place reach it's full potential. I'm just happy to see him laughing again and to chase the kids around(and chase me around more often too ). That is worth so much more than money. I'll field a few more phone calls if it keeps my happy husband around.

And I've come to terms with the fact that I will probably be paying this debt for the rest of my life...Or close to it. Unless I win the lottery!