Yes, there was something here. I had a post all written out, published and then thought better of it, and censored some of the details. Then when the details were gone it didn't make much sense. Basically something I feared would happen, did. It's now time to call in a professional because it is way beyond my scope of how to handle and I don't see it improving anytime soon. Now just to figure out how to pick the professional since I've never had to do this before and you don't want to advertise to the world what you need.

I'm scared, it's crappy, I feel like a loser, but I'm hoping that taking this step will improve things and that we can get a fresh start and move on. I need to be able to focus on my kids, my family, my marriage without all these threats and fears haning over my head. Yes, I could worry less, but it doesn't solve the root of the problems and it doesn't look like that is changing.

All I can say is I'm glad I had friends today. I called one, who even after my peevish tantrum/outburst awhile ago, and who is struggling with her own stuff, took my phone call without hesitation and got me calmed enough so I could get G off to school. Thank god for my MIL, who I went to see after dropping G off at the bus stop. She just hugged me and told me it would be Ok. Thanks for an online friend who gave me another pep talk that got me through dinner and until DH and I could talk. We did, made the decision, and are trying to move forward from here. All I can say is it doesn't seem so bad, and maybe this will all be managable.

I didn't get much stitching in and I didn't get the pictures I promised off the camera either. I'm 10 beads shy of my April ornament but I'm just bushed tonight to finish that or the pictures. I'm getting D off to bed and then I'm crashing too. I'm tired and I need the calm and peace of sleep. After all tomorrow is another day...to quote a favorite character of mine!

I don't even know if there was a new episode of Gimore Girls on tonight...if there was I missed it, darn it!