Ok so at what point did you *want* me to worry?

Tonight was hockey practice, supposedly the last one for awhile, so he *had* to go. He left the house like normal at about 9pm. I tried calling him about 9:45(15 mins before they were supposed to hit the ice) to ask a question. I got no answer but figured maybe he just didn't hear the phone. I fell asleep and woke at a little after 3am. I was alone, cold, and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed I checked out front for the car, not there. I checked the basement just in case DH might have had car problems or rode home with someone else and was maybe in the basement.

AT first I wasn't too concerned because he has been later, but not usually for hockey practice, plus it's a Wednesday night/Thursday morning I assume everyone else has to work too. I wait about 15 mins and try his cell. No answer. I try on/off for the next hour, it rings, not answer, goes to voice mail, I skip leaving a message. At 4am I'm worried and I think with good reason. Even if they stopped for pizza and beer after the bar closes at 2am. It's maybe a 20 minute trip home on the freeway( 35 if you take regular roads). At this point I"m not sure what to do but I think it's perfectly reasonable to be concerned, I mean really, he's essentially 2hrs late from normal and if he was two hours late from work or any place else I'd be worried. I think the fact that it's the middle of the night/early morning, any number of things could of happened.

I started with calling his brother cell phone, then his friends cell phone, thinking maybe instead of the bar they went for breakfast at a nearby Coney island, which would still be open. Maybe they are just chatting and lost track of the time. No answer. Finally I call his brothers house. I didn't want to but again if it was any other time, and he was this late, no answer of his cell phone, I'd call the last people he was with. I talked to my SIL, who was not amused(sorry) and she told me they all left the arena pretty much once they were all changed, about 11:30pm-midnight. Of course this does nothing to make me feel better cause this means no one has seen him since then. I try our friend Scott, he too left him about the same time and thought that *maybe* he might of gone to the bar for beer/pizza with a couple of team mates. He's not sure who and doesn't really have anyone's phone numbers.

I start to fret. I'm thinking if he was killed in an accident or hurt they would of let me know by now. Then I was worried because he was driving his moms old car and he hasn't transferred the title yet. I call her because frankly I need to talk to someone at this point and she is an early riser and maybe they did call her. She was thankfully awake, and had not heard from DH either. She thought I had a right to be concerned and was herself. Her suggestion was to try the state police first since they handle the highways since that's his most direct and usual route.

I started there, talked to a really nice officer, who assured me there were no accidents on the freeway , and if he had been in accident where he couldn't speak, I'd be notified quickly. I then worried that he was arrested. He's not a huge drinker but a couple of beers that long after dinner, playing hard, and even with a slice of pizza, and who knows with the new very much lower blood alcohol levels what could of happened. The state police suggested I try them local departments. I would have to call them individually since there is no "main" data base. The only thing that sucked is I live in Oakland county, a majority of the cities are in Macomb county so I have to call information for each one of their non-emergency numbers.

I started with the Macomb county sheriff her also assured me there were no accidents and transferred me to the jail department, no arrests for anyone of that name. I then got a list of all the cities between here and there(assuming he took a direct route). I called each one individually. Most were nice, told me there were no accidents, no arrests and between each phone call I called his cell, still no answer.

I was on my very last police department before calling my local department to file a missing persons report(you don't have to wait 24 hours and they thought at this point with him being gone now maybe 5 hours it might be a good idea) I hear the call waiting beep. It's DH. He's not hurt, not arrested, but FELL ASLEEP IN THE PARKING LOT after hockey. I was so relieved for an instant and then livid. I told him to get home and that I had to call his mom right away. She too was relieved but used her mom voice and said to have DH call when he got in.

When he got here he had the nerve to be upset with me!! What? Excuse me? At what point should of I have worried? I mean I know you are gone a lot lately, I don't hardly see you, but you were basically 2-3 hours late(maybe more in my mind since both your brother and friend last saw you at 11:30), you didn't call anyone, you weren't answering your cell, so what was I supposed to think? At best you were out screwing Stephanie or at worst laying dead in some hospital somewhere.

He is currently upstairs asleep. I'm so mad I can hardly see straight. I couldn't even talk when he got home, I still can't. I tried laying down but I'm too wide awake. I keep wondering how did I get here? After 18 years of being together I should not be up at 4am wondering where you are? It's not acceptable and I don't know how to work this out. He's told he's not giving up hockey and I don't think it's fair that he's gone as much as he is. It's not acceptable for a 38yo married man, w/2 kids, being somewhere at 2am, with ANYONE, on a regular basis. I don't think that is too much to ask...I really don't.

Man, I'm tired and have the worst headache. But on the bright side I did learn that most of the police between here and there are really nice(one guy was a bit of a jerk when I asked if he had been arrested and asked me if I thought he had reason to be arrested), if you are ever in accident where you can't speak your family will be notified pretty quickly(using either you driver license or the car registration information) and that for the most part all the towns between the hockey rink and home had a relatively quiet night with very few arrests, no accidents, or towing of any cars. I'm glad someone had a quiet night.

Now to paste on a happy face, wake Donovan up for breakfast, get a lunch packed and truck off to the bus stop. Thankfully this afternoon I'll be able to take a nap while the boys are at school or if G watches a movie this morning I might be able to close my eyes for a few minutes on the couch. Getting up at 3am is way too early and it's way to early for that kind of stress!!!!

Ok, it's now a few hours later, about 9:30. I'm so freaking exhausted and I can't believe how long the day seems when it starts at 3am!

We talked, on the phone, which I found a lot better for me, I was able to be calmer, more direct and made my point. First he apologized, profusely, he said he was upset because I was so upset and he felt like an idiot. He said he was embarrassed and now he has to call his brother, his friend and his mom, apologize and feel stupid all over again. He also assured me he would smooth any ruffled feathers with my SIL about me calling them and waking them when they have to work a 16 hour day today(hey, they were the *last* ones with him and I thought the best place to start).

I just told him that it was unacceptable to continue to behave this way. I should not have to be wondering what he is doing in the middle of the night or where he is doing it. It doesn't matter if it's hockey, bar hopping, or star gazing, I'm sick of it. I laid out a few ground rules.

First I *want* phone numbers, for Stephanie particularly since he was the last person DH was with(her and her boyfriend). If I could of talked to her and realized he stopped for a drink with them I might not of freaked so much after talking to my SIL who stated she last saw him at 11:30, where as he went to the bar. I also told him I wanted his ICQ password or to have his BIL/SIL authorize my name on their ICQ, along with Stephanie and Scott. I might of tried sending an ICQ to any of them last night before calling. Not knowing who to call was the scariest part last night really.

I also told him he had to decide, clinic or practice. He wasn't doing both. 4 nights a week is too many to be gone.

I then told me he had to carpool more often. Our friend Scott is less than 1 mile away and has offered a lot to pick DH up. Dh says he doesn't want to do that in case he needs to leave then fine, you drive, pick up Scott and Scott could have his wife come get him(they have no kids) or he could probably catch a ride with someone else(one guy is within 5 miles of Scott).

I told him his phone must be on ringing when he leaves the house. He had his cell phone, in his pocket, but on vibrate, but it wasn't loud enough to wake him. This happened one other time when I tried to call him on the way home from work and he had it in his coat pocket. I called for nearly 45 mins before arrived at home and said he didn't hear it(I wasn't looking for him, just needed him to pick something up and he would rather do it on the way home then go out again). I understand why he has it on vibrate during the day at work but when he leaves work, switch it on, it takes a second to do. If it had been on ringing it could of saved me a ton of worry because it would of woken him up when it rang the first time I called.

I also insisted from now on if he is going to stop and have a drink, then he needs to call me, I don't have to wake up to answer it, but he can leave a message telling me what time he his heading over to the pub. Practice, the clinic, and the games are always running behind it seems so the time they are done may vary. That was part of the frustration last night was I wasn't sure what time they would of been "done" with practice and when I could of reasonably expected him home(though by 3am it was pretty clear something had gone wrong). This is a must if they vary the this and go somewhere else, like the Coney island that they did one day where he wasn't home until 4am. I don't want to be a bitch or act like his mom but wanting to know where he is doesn't seem like a great thing to ask, especially since I am his wife, mother of his children, at home, waiting for him.

I told him I loved him, wanted our marriage to work, but I wasn't going to be a door mat. We may have kids, I may not have a family to run to, but I won't put up with this forever. If he wants to age backwards that's fine, but he has to adjust it slightly or he will be back to his dating days.

I know some people might think I'm naive for believing him. They probably think he was off with some girl or something. I don't think so, I think he really did fall asleep in the car, but I'm pissed none the less.

In my effort of trying to see the good with the bad, I'm sooo incredibly thankful that he did fall asleep in the car and not on the drive home. He took my MIL's car that she gave us to last night because it's easier to drive. It's an automatic(our other car was a stick shift which requires a bit more action) and cruise control. If he was that tired he could of just as easily fallen asleep at the wheel and been really hurt or hurt others. This also adds some more weight to my theory that he should carpool as well. If he was riding with someone else last night, they could of driven for him if he was that tired.

I also told him if that happens again, or if he ever feels too tipsy after pizza and beer to PLEASE call me. I'll wake up the kids and come get him if I have to, I'll be pissed, but it will save that fear I had in the pit of my stomach at 4m.

I did make it mighty clear though if he is late like this again with some stupid excuse, I'm done. I'm not going to continue to cater and bend my life around him without some more in return. After 18 years of being together I deserve better treatment and a hell of a lot more respect than what I've been getting!!

Tomorrow I'll post some stitching pictures and leave all the boring, mundane life stuff alone for awhile!