It's Monday!!

Where did the weekend go? I just flew by!! But it the start of the first full week of Summer vacation. I got to stay in bed until 7:30am. YEA!!!

It was a good weekend for me, not so great for Billy. The poor guy had to work on/off most of the weekend and even when he wasn't at work I could see that he was still thinking about it. Not much of a Father's Day for him. He worked 56 hours during the week and then put in about 12 hours over the weekend. Saturday night he was at the office until midnight, back there at 5am Sunday morning for a 2 more hours and then back after dinner. The poor guy looked exhausted this morning. They are preparing for a system upgrade so he was in charge of archiving all the old files. This week promises to be as busy. Still I'm trying to remember at least he is getting paid for the overtime instead of being on salary. It still a cold comfort that he's missed bedtime 3 nights in a row(he mentioned this, not I).

I also think all the stress at the office is getting to him. This transition has been really hard on him and I'm afraid a lot of the stress is self induced. He is such a perfectionist at the office. I think the stress has taken a toll and I think he is back to smoking. He was a smoker when we first met. After about 6 weeks of dating he quit. I didn't force him too or anything he just did on his own cold turkey. He had already been smoking 5 years so I know it was hard for him but he did it. For the next couple of years he would have the occasional cigarette like when he went out with a certain friend or when his grandmother passed away. I tried not to make a big deal of it.

It's hard not to say something or freak out at this recent turn of events. I lost my mom to lung cancer. She was only 53 years old and didn't get to see her two grandchildren grow up or meet my two children at all. It was a quick death relative to cancer but left a huge hole in my life. Billy was there with me when she died so he knows that this stuff can kill you. He also watched his mother suffer very severe health problems tied to the fact that she too was a long time smoker. I can't believe he could pick one back up. Let's not even get into the expense of it. Yes, with all the overtime we are doing much better on money but still we are still struggling. If he has a couple of hundred dollars to throw away each month then let's throw it in a savings account...Or heck, give it to charity at this point. Cigarettes are nearly $5 a pack!!!!

I've suspected it for awhile. I've smelled it on his clothes but he chalked it up to other people in the office smoking. Last week I smelled it in the car. He said he gave a co-worker a ride. Last night I could smell it when he kissed me. He had obviously tried to cover it with a mint but as a non-smoker I could tell. I didn't say anything because at midnight, after all that work, the last thing Billy needed was a bitchy wife nagging him. I hope it's a short passing phase....

Even my beloved Jason Mraz, a long time smoker, and who had professed his love of smoking in many a journal entry, has recently quit.