My baby is 6! On Saturday Gaelan turned 6 years old. Man, does time fly by fast. He was very excited about his birthday and told me he was looking forward to being 6. He had a hard time deciding on a theme for the event. At the last minute he said he wanted a dinosaur/castle birthday so we bought dinosaur plate/cups/napkins/wall hanging at the party store. I was lucky to already have a castle cake pan (from a past birthday of Donovan's) so I was all set.

In my family we always bought cakes. I think back now and it was because my worked so much and never had the time to bake but I have visions of these beautifully decorated cakes with perfect flowers and overly sugary icing. In Billy's family however the tradition is to bake and decorate the kid’s cakes. I resisted for awhile but I've gotten in the swing of things and I kind of look forward to it. Of course I'm such a perfectionist that I stress out about it but the kids are always thrilled. Here is what G's cake looked like:





Dad and Donovan joined in in the placing of the battle and carnage around the cake board and we all had a good time doing it. It's not perfect looking by any means but we have nice memories of making it.

I wish I could say the same about his party....G had a blast but there were a couple of things that really put a damper on the day.

We invited Billy's sister and her kids to come. She had her visitation this past weekend so we made it on Sunday, later in the day, so she we didn't cut into any of her time(she only has the 2X a month, her choice) and she didn't have to drive to our side of town twice during the weekend since her ex-husband lives about 3 miles from us. She didn't bother to show up or call. The kids were disappointed because they had spent all morning picking up the basement (something that needed to be done anyways) so they could all play air hockey. Billy told them that their Aunt was sick but I could tell he wasa little upset considering in 18 years we've only missed one birthday party for her 4 kids.

The worse part though was I was insulted and embarrassed in a room full of people. Billy is good friends with a guy name Scott. Through Scott we got to know his wife Diane. We've all been friends over 15 years (may be longer). We used to do a lot of things as a foursome before we had kids. After our boys were born, things changed a little. They are childless by choice and because of that they have a lot more freedom and money then we do. Still I have always considered myself friendly with Diane. I buy something at Christmas, Birthday's and had them both to the house several times a year for dinner.

I had been noticing in the last 2 years that she has been very sharp in her conversations with me. At first I thought I was being overly sensitive. Diane can be very direct at times but she cut me to the quick one time in front of my SIL. Later I asked my SIL if I was being overly touchy and my SIL said I wasn't.

I also try to cut Diane a lot of slack. She is very unhappy. She had a crappy childhood, horrible parents, and is not happy with where her life is at. I'm very proud of her though that she decided to do something about it. She entered therapy, is going to a woman empowerment group and decided to go back to school. I know she is frustrated at the pace of her education. She had to go back to basic remedial math and reading and due to her work schedule and stress she only takes 1 class at a time. I'm sure she thinks it will take forever to get done, but I admire her for doing it, and told her so. I know she stresses about school a lot but I always ask her about it and praise her when she does well(which she has).

So on the day of the party I knew they were both really busy. Scott had been in a wedding the night before, and had had a lot of things in the alst week to do for that. I'm sure they just wanted some down time. They called and said they would be late, and Billy told them not to sweat it if they couldn't come at all. They said they would be there but late and not to hold cake/ice cream for them.

Everyone started to arrive and we got to chatting and we didn't get to cake/ice cream until they pulled up. I greeted them at the door, told Diane how nice her hair looked and in response I got a very nasty "we told you not to wait for us". Billy heard the comment too and was a bit taken aback but I let it slide.

After cake and presents the guys (Billy, his brother and Scott) were talking about hockey and skating. Scott and Billy's brother play hockey together and they have convinced Billy to join a clinic with them. They were laughing and joking and having a great time. I then mentioned that I had found my old skates and that I wanted to go skating sometime with them. I pulled them out of the closet and Scott looked at them to see if I needed to sharpen them. As he was looking at them I remembered a time when the 4 of us went skating. I remember it as a really fun time with dinner and drinks afterwards. I asked both Scott and Diane if they remembered it. Scott laughed but Diane said, again very curtly and not at all nice "yeah, you fell; hurt your elbow and we all had to leave". I do remember falling, I conked my head, hurt my elbow to the point it was bruised and swollen for awhile after but I don't remember "making" everyone leave or does that sound like something I would do. At this point, I had to leave the room. I used the excuse of throwing some plates away and getting G some more soda. I counted to 100 until I could come back.

A few minutes later we were talking about cleaning and clutter and being packrats. My SIL was commenting how she's not a packrat(as retired military wife who moved every 2 years she couldn't afford to be); me and my friend Mary were saying that we were. I made the comment that I can't keep one of my closets clean; it's always a mess, no matter how hard I try to organize it. I joked I should have my SIL come help me set up a better system(she is like Martha Stewart). I then made the joke that I had things in our entryway closet that I moved from the entry closet in our old place and hadn't touched since.

Diane then laid into me. She said that she didn't understand why I would have clutter or messy closets since I was home all day doing NOTHING. Billy tried to defend me by talking about I'm raising two kids, she countered with they are in school, Billy countered with how I make 3 trips to the bus stop, then have to watch them after school, keep up, help with homework and that G is still home 1/2 the day. D countered with that it was our choice to have kids, we didn't have to. Billy then said that I also had to take care of him and clean up after him and he's slob. He also talked about cooking, cleaning, and laundry for 4. Diane came back with everyone cooks and cleans and if she had all day to do nothing with she would have a spotless house, clean closets and a perfect yard too(and she pointed to the leaves around our yard).

The room got incredibly quiet at that moment and I was literally stunned speechless. I couldn't believe she had said it (even if she thought it) and I couldn't believe she said it such venom in her voice. I couldn't(and still can't) think what I could have done to her to make her that upset with me. It was one thing with the little barbs in conversation but it's another to insult me in a *my* home, where I invited you, in front of *my* family and friends.

I knew I was either go to strike back or cry so I chose to leave the room. I went downstairs on the pretense of getting something from my stash to show my MIL. I was very thankful when I came back upstairs that Scott and Diane had left. I guess she continued after I left about how she doesn't understand how Billy can be married to someone who doesn't pull their own weight and she didn't understand why I was so upset, it was true, I didn't have a job.

When I came back up Scott and Diane had left. Billy told Scott that Diane not only owed me an apology but him as well. I also found out from my MIL that Diane spoke in what she thought was an overly curt manner to her when I was dishing out the cake an ice cream.

Of course I'm hurt by what she said. How could I not be? Do I have spotless house? No, closet? Nope, perfect yard? Nope but I do have to very happy, very healthy and very well adjusted kids to show for it(both of which got awesome report cards from school and both teachers said we were doing good jobs w/the boys). We also make a lot of sacrifices for me to be here.

Sometimes I envy her, she has a job, out the world everyday, the freedom to buy what she wants, when she wants, the freedom to sleep until noon, the freedome to go back to school. I would love to have even a part time job. School schedule makes it hard, especially with G just there 1/2 a day...then there are the 1/2 days(2X a month in our district), vacations and summer break. Most of what I would make would go to childcare.

Is my life easier than some? yes, it is, but it's harder in some way too. Do I have 2 hours in the afternoon to do nothing? Yeah, and I take advantage of it because I need all my energy when they get off the bus. There were a lot of years where I didn't have that and I do savor them when I do.

I think more than anything I'm embarrassed. She embarrassed me in front of my family and friends. She was insulting to me, curt to my MIL and made it awkward and unpleasant for everyone. She didn't have to be there, Billy gave them both the perfect out on the phone. They didn't have to bring a gift; they are welcome without one (as was everyone else).

I was also a little upset that she got to leave and I had to stand there, obviously upset and make nice. I'm also embarrassed at myself for walking out of a roomful of my guests. That was pretty rude. I sent out thank you e-mails this morning to both my SIL and my friend Mary and I made sure I apologized for walking out of the room. Both are pretty understanding people but still I'm afraid it's going to awkward when I seem them again.

On the down side I will have to see both Scott and Diane Thanksgiving. Over the years of friendship they have both; well Scott more than Diane, have blended into our family. Scott plays hockey with Billy's brother and I know the two couples go out a lot(my BIL and SIL are also childless so they are more free to do things). Scott and Diane have also been at the last 3 dinners so it's a good bet they will be there again. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. At this point an apology is not going to cut it. I don't think I will ever again be able to be around her without thinking of how she thinks of me, my family and my marriage. We were never best buds so I don't think if I never talk to her again it's any great loss. I had found myself tensing up whenever we were going to see her and just dreading it.

My hope is my SIL will get her typical big turn out for dinner between her family, his family and all the friends they have. Having to deal with her one on one or face to face probably won't happen. Still I have knots in my stomach at the thought of seeing her. I don't want to send Billy and the boys alone either. Maybe the upset of it will ease as we get closer to the holiday. I've other people run me off of some places. Do I want to let Diane win here too? The answer of course is no but I don't know.

I have to praise Billy. He was so wonderful about the whole thing. He jumped to my defense immediately, even before I had a chance to think. He stood up to Scott on the way out but I think Scott was pretty horrified himself. I guess they have been having some problems.....Billy also complimented me on the way I handled it. He said if it had been Scott that said that he would have decked him and the only reason he didn't hit Diane is she's a woman. He also said he was about to ask them to leave when Scott got her up and out of the door.

The most important part was G didn't see a thing and was completely oblivious to it. Ah to be 6 again. He also had a great time at his party and loves all his gifts. He thanked me before bed and again this morning for "his best birthday ever!"

On a more mundane front I'm making great progress on my Christmas Flourishes. I had hoped to be ready for beads by Friday but I got sidetracked getting ready for G's party. Here is what she looks like so far:


"Christmas Flourishes" designed by Nora Corbett, copyright Mirabilia designs

I've been sick again. Another damn UTI. I couldn't afford the antibiotics to prevent this that the other dr gave me the last time. I've been a little stressed the past two weeks since they are still trying to decide what to pay Billy at his new job and what are getting right now is not cutting it. It hit Wednesday evening. I willingly waited a couple of days so I could see *my* dr(last time it was one of his associates). Not only did he give me the prescription but he wrote it for 3X the amount so I can have it on hand if another one crops up. It was much less expensive then the other and I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Having a few extra's in the house really helps with the peace of mind. The only thing is he insisted I come back for a follow up sample to make sure the antibiotic is indeed working since the two came so close together. That's another $20 and the headache to find a way out there. Shh...Don’t tell anyone but I just may skip it!