Dh's work party!!

Is tonight, they moved it early in the week from Thrusday to tonight. I so don't want to go considering what I went through yesterday. I didn't sleep well last night, we lost power for awhile and the sudden loss of the cooling breeze from the fan at 3amish woke up me and I never really went back to sleep so I'm dead tired to begin with. I also, no matter how hard I tried, couldn't stop myself from crying over Meepers several times today, so now my eyes are red from lack of sleep and crying, and are puffy, and my nose is beet red, like rudolph. I tried finding something to wear and nothing fits, things are either too big, or too small and frankly I feel old, fat and dumpy in just about anything I put on. It's like a million degrees out, humid which means my hair is just going to lay there and do nothing which won't help the situation. The boys are already whining about not wanting to go to Grandma's house but they perked up when I mentione she has A/C.

I just have to keep reminding myself that it is *very* important to DH and it's a free meal, one I didn't have to cook in this kind of heat/humidity. Still the thought of having to make conversation when my heart is breaking sounds impossible right about now.

The worse moment by far was this morning. I was half awake and walking to the kitchen to start coffee for DH and I swore I saw Meepers out of the corner of my eye. I even started to bend down to give him his morning pet/scratch/cuddle and then I realized it wasn't him and that their would be no more morning pats.

The kids have been asking since last night when we are getting another kitty. I don't how to explain to them that there is no way I can even ponder that. After Gwen died last fall I said no more kitties, I was just starting to soften after seeing the puppies at my SIL's wedding reception, but now, man, I don't know. This is horrible, maybe if we do get another one I won't get so attatched. See Meepers wasn't just a cat to me, he was so special, there can never be another that could take his place......