I was supposed to sleep until Noon!!
The last few days have been awful. OK, not completely awful but hard. Donovan has hard a rough time which means reaching out to X. I keep hoping at some point that we can interact differently. I often point fingers are him and all the things he is not doing, and there are lot, but I need to point the finger at myself. I am still hurt, angry and bitter, not all the time, but it does creep in and I have to continue to strive to put that aside. On the other hand, at least I am working on changing that.
Thursday's are really long days for me. I have to be up early to get the boys to their Grandmothers(or school once September rolls around) and to get me to school. School is long that day as well as more physically demand since most of that day is spent giving a massage or receiving on. From there I have a tiny couple of hour break but then I have to head to my support group so most Thursday I'm not home until well after 10.
Yesterday was a pretty typical Thursday except for the fact that Donovan did not sleep well on Wednesday night so I did not get to sleep until well after 3am and was up again at 7am for the day. I ate badly yesterday, hyped myself up on caffeine and sugar(so bad for you) and was just on the go go go, with the worries of Donovan and worries of X's latest rounds of threats at taking full custody of the boys. Instead of being able to spend the two hours between school and group taking a nap or being alone, I had Gaelan with me, which was awesome. After group I stopped at a friend's(I shouldn't have) and did not walk into the door last night until midnight.
I got essentially nothing done the last 3 days as far as housework and studying go. I was just too focused on Donovan, spent too much time on the phone with X and my "To Do" list seems enormous today!!
I talked to Mark last night, how things were and all the the things I think I have to get done. He then "ordered me"(and that is very tongue in cheek here) to sleep until noon today and to not do any housework except on the things that were NECESSARY for survival or to clothe myself. After I slept I am supposed to spend the afternoon studying and that's it. I tried so hard to follow his request but by the time I fell into bed last night, I could not sleep. I did not sleep until 4am and awake at 8am this morning. I tried to go back to sleep but it was no use. I got up, ate breakfast, set the kitchen timer and spent 1 hour on the house and it's at least somewhat tidy but not as nice I would like it to be. I studied some for my test, and in a little while I will start in on my homework. My plan is to take a nap later this afternoon and then head to my support group. I won't have to stay for the whole thing and by the time I get home Mark will be waiting for me. I LOVE Fridays and I can't wait to see him. The travel sucks but it makes every Friday night so much fun.
My group was good last night. I have found a friend there who is going to talk to me some about energy work that I have been learning in school. She does another form of it, called something different, but I feel at it's core all energy work is the same, just the terminology is a bit different. We are going to get together in a couple of weeks to start working together. I am geeked about this. On the downside one of my friends from the group is moving and last night was the last time I will see him. I'm sad about that. I'm also glad for him.
Even though I was up early this morning, I missed Jason live on the Today show but thanks to the Internet I was able to see him. OMG, he was so good. I love his goatee and I thought he sounded really good both musically and in his short interview. I know "The Remedy" is his big break out hit but it's not my favorite song and I don't like he has to play it all the time but he did a great reggae type version of it. His voice is so clean, so clear and well
Oh, and the morning mediatation at school went well. Everyone seemed to enjoy the poem!!