Best laid plans....

Billy got laid off this morning. I got up and within a few minutes of getting up I see him pull in the drive way. I didn't immediately think "Oh, no" but wondered what he forgot. I was stunned when he told me that he and 3 other employees were laid off this morning.

I'm trying to remain calm and not panic but hey, not panicking is not my strong suit!!! Again I think dh is just relieved. I know he was desperately unhappy there and the stress was giving him literally chest pains and drove him back to smoking. I know it was not a good place and I had been giving him gentle encouragement to look elsewhere. He was stubborn(or scared) and wanted to make it to the one year mark. I think he just felt that maybe if he could bide his time things would improve.

I think we both got a bad feeling when an old employee was hired back to do essentially what he had been promised to do. Still I think he thought they put the investment of the outside training that they wouldn't throw that investment away so easily. We thought wrong.

I can't be angry at him. I don't think it's his fault. He worked hard, learned what he could. I don't think it was a matter of skills at all. I think truly it came down to they like this other person better than him and they aren't as interested in streamlining their ways like they said they were. They went from getting proofs done in a day back to 4 days. If they want to work that way fine.

Now for the practical matters. He still has two paychecks coming, they will pay him for a full week and he has some overtime on the next check.

We are now without insurance(damn, I knew I should of gone to the dentist sooner) and zero safety net. Last time we had a little money in the bank, and some of our home equity. This time we are not so lucky and I'm much, much more fearful then last time. Last time we had almost a month for him to find something. This time we have just a few days.

Still I have to keep reminding myself of all the things I learned last time. It takes a long time to lose your house or have your utilities shut off. We have friends, family who will help us if needed and I just have to have faith that all will work out again.

I'm just so scared. The last transistion was so hard. Billy got so cold, so distant, that I really feared for our marriage. It also put us in a hole financially, one that we are just now getting out of and that was when he got re-employed right away. Anytime off and we could be in serious trouble. Like bankruptcy trouble......

The list of things to worry about seem endless. It's almost the first of the month again, where will the house payment come from? It's almost the 4th of july weekend, who hires around a holiday? Then there is the future, eye exam for G for school, school physical for G, school supplies, two birthdays, Christmas UGH. I'm plain scared spitless.

DH wants to take the day to reflect and every fiber of my being is screaming at him to pick up the phone and call someone, anyone.

Thankfully I have plans for the day to see some of the michigan area stitchers so that will be a distraction. IT's also baseball/t-ball game night so there is that.

but still I was supposed to do the grocery shopping today...how can I do that when I'm terrified of no money coming in.