A few calls are starting to come in...

Billy keeps telling me the printing community is pretty small but I didn't realize how small until Billy started getting calls on job leads yesterday. He's only told a small group of people, his mom, an old co-worker, and his brother. Yesterday morning the phone stared ringing. Most were sympathetic and a few suggestions of places that might be looking or who else to call. He has no clue how the word got out but it has. I have to think this is good thing. One call even led to him heading out this morning for a few hours to help install a new press(he does the software end of it). It's very unlikely that it will pan out to a full time job but it gives us a few bucks to bank and since he's still technically employed through today it won't interfere with unemployment.

I'm again fighting to keep my panic under control but failing miserably. In the whole mix I find myself incredibly angry at my mom for not teaching me coping skills or to feel like I was in control of anything or for never forcing me to stand on my two feet, EVER in my life. I think that's why I react the way I do to most situations. I feel in control of very few things in my life and like I said before I feel like I'm constantly just reacting to things instead of being proactive. I really must work on this.

It doesn't help that I had been feeling out of sorts for awhile. My anxiety levels have been building over the last couple of months. I've been having trouble sleeping either sleeping too much to having trouble with staying asleep, my conentration is shot, I've been really edgy, increase in headaches and just basically not feeling well. I had really hoped with the summer being here I would be able to get a better handle on things since it was a chance to take things at a much slower pace. The anxiety got pretty high this month during that time of the month. Again I had hoped when that was over I'd be back on track. I didn't get much of chance to try that theory out since Billy got laid off.

To try to get a better handle on things I've decided to go back on my anti-depressant. Last October when Billy got laid off then my Dr offered me a new prescription in case I needed them. Since he went back to work almost immediately I didn't need them but kept them in my cupboard. I have enough to get me through 3 months. We talked then about how to start them and how to wean myself off them when I was ready. I took my first one last night. I felt like a failure that I yet again couldn't handle what's is a normal "bump" in the the road of life. At least I slept through the night last night. Today I feel somewhat stronger but I know it's too soon for them to have started to work. My goal today is jut to eat a little something, try to stay calm in front of the kids and in my dealing with my kids. (They sense the stress in the house and are acting out accordingly) and to try to stitch a little. Panicking, not eating and not stitching is not getting Billy a new job.

On the good news front I got a "new to me" stove put in yesterday. We got our oven almost 8 years ago for $200. It was a bare bones gas stove but it has served us well over the years. About two years ago it started to get flaky. The burners wouldn't light with the electronic ignition anymore so I had to hand light the burners with a match. Then last year the oven started to get flaky. Sometimes it would go a couple of days where it wouldn't want to work. Last summer I had a repairman come and look at it. After about 45mins of tinkering he told me he had good news and bad news. The good news was the oven was again working but the bad news is he has no clue why it stopped working in the first place or why it suddenly was working again. He thought it was likely we had some kind of lose wire somewhere but it could take hours to track down.

Last month my MIL but herself a new stove. She was convinced her old oven wasn't keeping accurate temperatures. She had it serviced twice and both times they told her it was fine. She finally got my FIL to agree and she bought a new one. She offered us the old one and since Billy is a pack rat he agreed to take it and put it in our garage "just in case". Since he had some time on his hands yesterday afternoon he had his brother come out and help him move the old one out and new one in.

It's in excellent shape and the burners light all by themselves. It is self cleaning, has an oven light and built in timer. It even beeps when it gets up to the set temperature. I made pizza in last night and the temperature seemed right to me. It also doesn't seem to give off as much "heat" into the room like my old stove did. Good thing for the summer.

I will be busy and distracted this weekend thankfully. Saturday I have GTG with the Michigan stitchers. We are going to Mary Maxim in Port Huron. I had made previous arrangements with one of them to sell a couple of patterns so I do have lunch money. I'm riding along w/Misty and Delphine and have a couple of bucks to throw in for gas.

On Sunday there is a Lodge bowling party. The Lodge is paying for it but donations are welcome. I think they will understand if we don't kick in some money this time.

On Monday though I'm worried what will happen. It will be the first day Billy will be off with no pay!! Man, I was so not ready for this......