Sarah527 Blog

The life of a single mom of two boys as she explores new ideas, new thoughts, and a new career.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Day: Saturday
Weather: Cold, partly cloudly
Song of the day: "Tell the Truth" by Jude Cole(an oldie but a goodie)

After a not so great nights sleep I was up at 6am with a list of things to do. Mainly grocery shopping and to buy some jeans for DS #1 who ripped holes in not just one, not two, but three pairs of jeans this week alone. I convinced DH and the boys to go with me. It seemed a nuisance at the time but I'm glad they did.

We bought the jeans and headed to the grocery store. The car started making a horrible noise in the front end. Upon further inspection we discovered that a belt was showing through on the front passenger tire. Off to Costco for two new tires. It's funny, with my part time job, and all the overtime DH has been working we actually had a little money in the bank to spare. Of course the universe's saw that and found a way to "take" it. The extra just covered two brand new tires.

On the way home we noticed the car was still making a noise. I suggested to DH that quite possibly it might be the steering pump since it seems to make the noise when steering but only at low speeds. He laughed it off but darn, if I wasn't right. Upon checking the fluid level when we got home he discovered we were low and once it was filled, the noise vanished. The car is handling much better now as well. I'm thankful that Dh was with me and am thankful the tire didn't blow when I was by myself. God was really looking out for us there.

I then headed off to a GTG with my Michigan friends. At first I wasn't going to go. I was still feeling raw after the incident on Friday. After a bit of arm twisting I went...And boy I'm glad we did.

We always have a great time together. We are often silly and I find my sides and stomach hurting from the laughter when I get home. It was great to see the quiet one since she hasn't been able to make it in awhile. Not a lot of stitching was done but the conversation was good for the soul. It reminded me that there are *good* people out there, people who care, people who stand up for you, protect you and check up on you to make sure you are indeed out instead of brooding at home(Thanks Misty). And mostly they helped put thing in proper perspective and see things the way they really are.

Most importantly an evil plan was hatched. I can't divulge the details but I can say it involved lots of LOUD TYPING, a big annoying doll and a few e-mails. Of course nothing will be done, I'm above that, but it was funny to talk about. I needed it.

On the plus side I get to see the same people again next weekend for our planned trip to Ohio.

One thing I really love about the GTG, besides the food, and friends, it's the 45 or so minutes I get to spend in the car. I bring some tunes, crank it up, and sing all the way there and back. Today I varied it little with the addition of some old school music in Jude Cole. I would say he was my musical "obsession" before my Jason phase began. He song "Tell the Truth" is I think my favorite song of ALL time.

I'm still struggling to stay above thing. I'm trying to bit my tongue, not lash out, and do petty and childish things. More details came out today. No one likes to be brunt of everyone else's jokes. I guess too I just don't get it why one person has made it their mission in life to be a part of mine. As much as they profess to dislike me but they spend an awful lot of their time paying attention to me. I'm secure in the knowledge that things may suck right now and things may not be going great but the tide will turn. In the end I will get back to a good place, that person however will still be a BITCH and still have her sad little life. Mine on the other hand is full of really great people!!

It's hard to be big though...I kept the Evil plan list just in case.

Friday, April 29, 2005

So hey, here it goes again, almost a year later.

It's now almost May and it's still pretty cold. I'm looking forward to summer, warm weather and lots of sunshine.

It's been a crappy day which just caps a crappy week.

Highlights from recently:

got tickets to see Jason in conert in June. I had no right to spend $80 on tickets to see him play for a mere 40 minutes but I couldn't stand the thought of him being right here in town and me not see him. Still pondering stalking the bus. I swear him and his music makes me feel like I'm a teenager again.

Donovan lost one of his front teeth this week. He has a very funny gapped tooth smile going. The other one is pretty close to coming out too. He's been a bit of a handful this past week. He's been fighting us an awful lot but Donovan's mood are a lot like the weather in Michigan. Wait 5 minutes and it will change.

Gaelan had the day off from school was just so great to be around. I hate to play favorites but he is such an easy going kid and so much fun. As long as you keep him in orange juice and pretzels he's pretty happy. He's going through a phase of not wanting anything that is hot or had been cooked. Go figure!! He's so picky but yet continues to grow like a weed and is now maybe a 1/4 inch shorter than his brother. Of course Donovan was pretty easy going at this age.

We got a note home from school regarding teacher placements for next year. DH and I had planned on talking to the principal ourselves. We had hoped to do it face to face but apparently this is not allowed. We have to put any thoughts about this in writing and if we request a certain teacher the note will be returned. I have no idea who we would request so that point it moot. I'm going to make Dh write the letter. Being in the corporate world I think he has a better grasp on how to say we want, for Donovan to have a teacher that is not going to overly baby him and be a bit more firm. I hope they get the point we don't want a drill sergeant but not like he has this year.

I also got hassled that I haven't enrolled G in kindergarten yet. I just haven't had the transportation to get over to the school office to turn in the papers yet. I have to make sure I do that next week.

I'm getting over a stomach bug today. I had hoped that I would escape this since it had been many days since DH had it but it became apparent today around noon that I was not so lucky. I know no one likes to be sick but I feel that the only time you should throw up is when drunk. At least then you are guaranteed to feel better when you are done and get some much needed sleep. With a "bug" there are no such guarantees. Plus I feel I was sick enough for one lifetims with both my pregnancies. I'm now just feel tired and sore.

I know I should talk about what is really bothering me but I can't. I don't want to dignify what other's said with a response. I have also wasted way, way too much time thought and energy on the problem. The only thing I will say is "what goes around, comes around" and I'm glad that your lives are so perfect and full that you can pass judgment on others, what their lives are like and that you are vastly superior. I'm glad for you, I truly am. I strive some day to be as perfect, self assured and happy that my I only require a 10 minute phone conversation with my husband to make my marriage complete. Oh yeah, Netflix sucks!! I will never be a customer again in my life and I will make sure no one knows ever does either. Childish, petty, I know but oh, I feel soo much better.

I guess that has pretty much always been my problem. I'm not that self assured. I always feel like that scared little kid that wondered why their mom doesn't love them enough to protect them from others. I like to think I've grow up and away from that but I don't think you ever really can, can you?

And I guess I've always wanted more than what I have. As a kid it was things, as a young teen it was love and as I've gotten older it was acceptance. I have always tried to practice what I want in my own life. I like to think I give everyone a even shake. I always see both sides(and often too many sides). Maybe that's a problem. Maybe I should be more black and white. Maybe I should be more harsh, more judgmental. Why then am I the one hurt? Why am I the one left wondering what *I* did wrong? I have always, always tried to practice the golden rule in life and maybe that's a bad thing. Who knows.

So now I'm off to listen to a little Jason, maybe "The Remedy" his worst song by far but something I need to remember. I'll listen to a live radio version where he seems to whisper for my ears only "I won't worry my life away, not today love, not me" and then maybe move on to some mellow stuff, take a shower, have a beer and get some sleep.

I feel a bit better, maybe the idea of a blog might not be such a bad one but don't let anyone know I said that.