No pictures today :(
I was going to post my WIP of Forest Goddess and couple of finishes but DH has a second computer hooked up to his so he can do a job for a friend at home. I can't access the software I need to get the pictures off the digital camera and onto a computer so I'm going to have to wait until Monday probably.
I also want to take a second and say some nice things about my DH. I think that I've bashed him a lot in the past few weeks, not that he didn't deserve it but I'm only painting one side of the picture, my side. A lot of times too in cyberspace I have a tendency to put out all my "bad thoughts" and feelings out there. It's a release for me to get all my pettiness, and crabbiness out. To say all the things I want to really say to someone's face but can't because well, you just don't.
My Dh is the most amazing man. After 18 years together he still makes me feel wonderful. After two kids and about 20 pounds of extra weight he still lusts after me. He still makes me laugh, he still makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world, and most importantly he loves me, wholly and completely. I still find him hot as heck, and there is no one I would rather be with than him. If I could do it again, I would, just as we have, without a second thought. He brought peace, love, and joy to me. He has given me a family of my own, stability and order to what otherwise would have been a not so great life. Before I met him I had no idea what my worth was, he showed me that I was more than my past, that I could be a good person, that I could rise above my past choices, and to be more than I thought I could be. He taught me about love, acceptance, and God.
He is an a wonderful provider. He works hard, damn hard, every day to provide us with the things we need. Sure, we don't have everything we want, but we have what we need, every day. He would never dream of not working, it's just not in his nature. Even when he was laid off last year, the second time in a year that he had been laid off, he was back out there almost immediately. Our finances have changed. He was a bit over paid for what he did at his last two places of employment(mainly because he worked for the same guy for 16 years), still he's done well for himself. He took a "fill in while someone was on vacation" job and turned it into a supervisor position. He's running the entire department, production is up, costs are down, overtime is down, and his bosses are pleased with him. The money will come later, maybe, but in the meantime he's sending out resumes because he is worth more but in the meantime he is doing what he can to make ends meet. Other husbands would demand their wives go back to work to ease the financial situation. Thankfully my DH see's a much bigger picture, a picture that shows that I have a much more important job here, raising two kids, and that a job would probably cost us more in the long run in either their well being or in real money with the cost of child care these days. Both of us are willing to make sacrifices so there is someone here everyday to send the kids off to school and someone here when they get off the bus. A lot of husbands wouldn't support such a decision in the same way my DH does.
He's is also such a great father. I suspected he would be but I never dreamed at how great he would really be. I saw it the instant the second line appeared on the EPT. I was scared spitless but he was so excited. He hustled and in 8mths time he had us a house, and made it livable for me and Donovan. When Donovan was born it was a sight to behold. He, having zero child care experience, jumped in with both feet. He took every opportunity to hold, cuddle, feed and change. He was bursting with love and pride for his son. He never once complained when Donovan required nightly walks from 7-9pm(he was kind of colicky), he just jumped in, picked him up and up/down the hallway they went every night. He never complained when Donovan failed to sleep through the night, consistently, in his own bed, until he was nearly 4 years old(and at 8yo he is still not a very good sleeper). Instead he tells new parents to enjoy the night time with their kids, it will be over in an instant.
When I got pregnant with DS #2 and it turned into a nightmare, he was there for *every* dr's appt, every test, every U/S, and there were many of them. He knew how tired, run down and sick I was the second time around so he was home every night by 4pm so he could "relieve" me. I was often sent to bed or to the couch to rest while he took over a majority of the child care. When G was born safe, healthy and most important perfect, he jumped into the role of dad of two with the same abandon. Again he took every chance to feed, cuddle and change. He loves both his boys so much and is such a hands on dad.
I think he deserves the right to do more than go to and from work. He has a right to have a life outside of me and the boys. For a long time that was the lodge. I don't mind it since it was mainly one night a week, a couple of weekends here/there(for now it also provides us with a second job which we need or I think he would give it up in lieu of hockey). The lodge is also family friendly. Most things outside of meetings are welcome to wives/families and we did do a lot of them as a family. It has also provided my boys an extended family they don't have since both my parents are gone and Dh has a small family. The lodge wives were the ones who threw me my baby shower. Most of them have known our boys since birth and love them like their own. Donovan looks forward to the breakfast on the first Sunday of the month and takes the job of Waffle maker very, very seriously. I also think the lodge is supportive of marriages as a whole. Except for my BIL all the members are in long term, happy marriages. I like that we are surrounded by people who have the same core beliefs as us and I know in a pinch I could call on any of them for hand. Its a support system I value and am glad that DH has made us a part to of it.
As for the hockey well, yeah, I don't love it. Still if it wasn't hockey it could be softball or bowling, or heck just hanging out with the guys, going to bars. He could go to the gym every day after work and be there for an hour(or more). Out of all the activities he could of picked to do, this is really not that bad. Sure it's played late, but hey, they are a D league team, they play last. Most nights before a game/practice/clinic, we are still able to be together as a family for dinner, he still helps with homework, is able to tuck both boys into bed, and we usually have a little time to ourselves too before he leaves. In fact Wednesday night, after dinner and before practice, I played on the computer, and took a shower. Dh got the boys to finish their homework, unloaded the dishwasher, got the boys to put their clothes away, and finished the laundry I had started earlier in the day(it was his work shirts but still). Hockey or not I know a lot of husbands that don't do that much on any given night.
I also have a better frame of reference. Last year when he went to work at what I'll call company B things got pretty bad. He was going to work at 3am, working a shift that straddled both the Midnight printing shift, and the Day shift. Sure he was home by 3pm most days, got paid overtime so we were doing well on money, but he was miserable. He was having chest pains, shortness of breath, a series of abnormal white blood counts that worried his dr and he just checked out of life. He barely talked, he wasn't really engaged with the kids, most nights he vegged in front of FOX News before crashing as soon as the boys were in bed at 8pm. We didn't talk, we didn't laugh, we didn't go out, we didn't have sex, we didn't a lot of things and I hated it. Then he got laid off It was like he was let out of jail. It was the scariest time but the best thing that could of happened. I got my husband back.
I'll gladly give up a few nights a week, I'll gladly give up some of our financial security to have my husband the way he is now. He laughs, he jokes, he's happy, he's carefree, he doesn't have chest pains anymore. And yeah, we still have times where I feel like we aren't communicating and yeah, there are issues we don't see eye to eye on and that frustrates the heck out of me but this is much, much better than it was this time last year.
I'm not saying that it fine that he was out all night. I'm not saying it was fine that he worried me and I'm not saying that we don't need to find a way to make this more equitable but I am saying he is entitled to have a life, away from here, away from us, and I'm Ok with that aspects of it(mostly).
My life isn't so hard or bad either you know. I'm basically a loner, and have been most of my life, I don't like large groups of people and an ideal day to me is spent stitching or reading or playing with my kids. Sure, I've felt a bit trapped in the last year when we didn't have a second car. I hate having to walk to the bus stop every day, 3X a day, no matter the weather but you know it's not that far, and I could use the exercise. After I get Donovan off to school I have a good 3 hours with just G at home. We watch cartoons, color, play play doh or I can stitch, play on line, read, and yes, clean if I want. After G is in school I have 3 glorious hours of alone time, just about EVERY day(minus school vactaions, holidays and 1/2 days which there are a lot of, incluging today where G is home all day and Donovan will be home by 11). I don't think my DH has ever been in the house completely alone. During that time I can do whatever I want. I don't think my DH gets that, ever, during the day.
I too have a hobby, stitching. In the past 18 years I think I have spent far more on my hobby than Dh ever did on any of his(hockey included). My hobby can be done in the privacy of my own home but I have spent my fair share of time away from home doing it too. A few years in a row I went away for 5 days to a stitching festival with friends. One year those days off that Dh took to be with the boys was the only vacation he got, all year long, at all. He didn't complain, didn't ever once say not to go, he encouraged it and never once begrudged me a single penny I spent while I was there, even though I had boxes of stuff already at home. He was happy if I was happy. I met a wife at the festival who had to have her mother take the kids for her to be there because her husband didn't want to "babysit" their kids while she was gone. My Dh looked forward to doing all the things with the boys and having some "man" time with them.
Hockey so far except for gas, has costs us nothing. His mom paid his fees for the league this time around, he bartered a printing job to pay for the clinic, and the practices are paid for by the team captain(my BIL). If the team members have few bucks to kick in for the ice rental great, if not don't sweat it. After the games the little bar near the rink offers free pizza to the teams so they go and eat that, Dh has one beer, costs $2, a buck for a tip, and he's home. I'm welcome to come but where are you going to find a sitter to watch the boys from 9pm-2am? And really do I want to go sit in a freezing arena for hour? Not really, hockey is not my thing. Most nights when he leaves, I read for an hour and am asleep myself. If he was playing at 7pm at night or in the middle of the day during the weekend I think I would have a lot more to complain about. Out of all the things he could of picked, this is really the least disruptive, to family time, and alone time. Most nights, if he wasn't playing hockey, I'd be stitching, reading or watching TV, he'd be on his computer playing online, so it's not like we'd be together a lot anyways.
And as for an affair, I guess it's possible, but I doubt it. First of all sex is not where he gets his identity. He was never the kind of guy to sleep around when he was single and it was available. He has a respect for sex and what it means between two people and that it should be shared in the context a marriage(ideally of course) ok, he wasn't perfect or a virgin when we married, but I'm just saying he is not the typical male in that kind of thinking. If anything I was the one who slept around and didn't have the best track record prior to marrying. I'm not saying that my marriage is affair proof, no marriage is, but I know my DH takes his wedding vows very seriously. I think it would take a lot to break them. I also think he's a lot more happy with the way things are than I am at times.
And most importantly I looked my Dh in the eye when he came home. I know I saw the truth. I also know my Dh is a pretty smart guy, if he was doing something other than sleeping in the car, he would of been much more creative in his excuse. I think he was just plain tuckered out, and has finally realized he may be thinking he is aging backwards but in reality he is almost 39 years old and he needs to slow down maybe a tiny bit.
I'm sure next week, I'll be back to bashing him, cause that's what I do, complain about my husband, so when he comes home I can be smiling and happy but I just wanted to acknowledge that while some things are unacceptable, I do know I could have it a whole hell of a lot worse, and I wanted to paint a more balanced picture of him since I usually only present one side of the story.