Sarah527 Blog

The life of a single mom of two boys as she explores new ideas, new thoughts, and a new career.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Spoke to soon on the bead front.

I sat down this morning to add some more beads to my project. I ran into a problem. When more than 4 or so beads are sitting horizontally they won't fit. Not a big deal but I find now that I'm having to fudge a little and leave out a few beads here and there. It's just going to take a bit more thought but I think they will look fine since they mostly free form where I'm working at at the moment and most of the beads intermixed with the stitching is just a few beads scattered. We shall see as we go along....

Christmas Flourishes designed by Nora Corbett, copyright Mirabilia Designs

My progress has slowed some but I'm still plugging along. I've started to add some beading to the project. Never having worked with a hand dyed fabric I didn't realize that they shrink some in the dying process. Because of this the Mill Hill look really "large" on the fabric and over shadow some of the surrounding stitching. That's Ok though, I think it makes them stand out and really shine. I haven't had too many problems getting them to fit. I tried slanting them like I do with most projects but discovered that a full X that allows them to sit straight up and down works best to fit them all in.

Dh has sent out more resumes this morning, made a few more phone calls and we are just waiting to hear something. He has one more paycheck that should arrive sometime today or tomorrow. After that we have one week until the first unemployment check arrives. We should be Ok for a few weeks. I'm still freaking over the thought of where next month's house payment is going to come from but I'm still practicing living in the moment kind of thing.

I know my SIL is trying to be helpful but she's putting all sorts of pressure on me. She keeps sending me all these "ads" via e-mail for jobs and sent Billy home with a nicely highlighted want ads with jobs that she thinks I'm qualified for. I know she is trying to help but at the moment it's just freaking me out. If I thought I could go out and get a job tomorrow I would but as a SAHM for the last 8 years with very few other skills I'm not sure how marketable I am. Heck, even a place that sold "glow in the dark" necklaces at fairs and such wanted a resume, cover letter and salary requirements to do that. Add in the fact we are back down to just one car again and two kids that will need to get to/from school in just about 6 weeks(not to mention have someone here with G since he will still be going only 1/2 day) , we have a bit more to juggle than she does(they are child less)

I just have to keep plugging along, keep things as stress free at home as possible, try not to worry too much and just have faith it will all work out OK. It did the last time, it has before and will again. It may not happen on my time table or the way I think it should but it will!!

It will help once the weather is more reasonable. Yesterday was cooler than it had been but 88 and humid is still just too damn hot. We got some late afternoon storms that cooled things down for bedtime which also meant baseball/t-ball was canceled. I was secretly glad. I wasn't up to spending 3 hours on the ball field so I was glad not to go. With the holiday weekend coming up we don't have to go again until next Wednesday.

DH is once again trying to plan our days and what we should be doing. I'm still trying to enjoy having him home and keeping in mind he isn't used to having so much free time but it's still a bit frustrating when I have things I want to do and he is telling me all these things we should be doing. It's a bit of an adjustment for us both. The boys are still thrilled to have him home.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Two more days of heat!!

The weather report I read yesterday was wrong. We did get rain yesterday evening and it did cool things off somewhat we are expected to get two more days of heat/humidity. Today it's only going to be 88 instead of yesterday's 92. Chance of rain towards evening. Tomorrow will be stormy all day and 88 THEN things will cool down for the weekend. I sure hope they don't change their minds again because I can't take much more of the heat.

I'm hoping for late afternoon showers. Today is baseball/t-ball night and the last thing I want to do is go sit on a ball field for 2 1/2 hours in this heat. On Monday they did cut G's game short but it didn't really help us since we had to wait around for Donovan's game. It was a tad cooler than at home but not by much. I'm not looking forward to doing the same thing tonight.

With the heat comes some power problems. We've had a brown out situation the last 3 days. From about 9am on I've noticed the fans start spinning slower, the microwave not working as well, and the DVD player not turn on. We had it happen once before and the power company was out. The best guess is we have an older transformer in the neighborhood that is just getting over drawn in this kind of weather. They have tried tracking it down but it's hard to do. I called yesterday and of course by the time they got here power was pretty much back to normal. To be on the safe side we've been Turning everything off beginning around 10am and waiting until after dinner. We leave the fans and a small TV downstairs for the boys.

I was able to sit down for a little while yesterday afternoon and got some stitching done. I added in some of the beads. It's an older pattern that uses regular sized mill hill instead of the petites that are now available. I've heard some people complaining about trying to make all the beads fit on 32 ct fabric but I didn't have too much of a problem in the small area I tried it on. I used a full X to make them sit straight instead of on a slant. I hope to get more stitching done today so maybe tomorrow I will have a progress picture again.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Made the first dreaded call...

When I quit work to stay home with the kids Billy and I did what we could to protect me in case of his death. This was a big concern for him since his dad died at the age of 32 of spinal cancer. DH was just 10 months old when it happened and it left his mom with 3 kids under the age of 5 without much financially. His mom struggled his whole life to get out of that hole. One of the things he insisted on was that I have credit in my own name. To that end I got a credit card. I used it, more than I should of, and it has a hefty balance because of it. I've been keeping up the payments, paying extra when we could and not using it. When he got laid off last time we were still able to maintain that payment since he got re-employed so quickly but then we had a bunch of car disaster. I called my CC company in January hoping to work out a payment schedule but they gave me a 2 month deferment. I was so relieved and it made a HUGE difference in our financial picture. I never guessed it would come back to haunt me so soon.

Said CC payment is due in two weeks. Even if Billy got a job TODAY there is no way we could make the full payment, partial maybe, but not the full amount. I decided to be up front with them and called them this morning. They were actually quite nice about it but since I've already had a deferment earlier one is not available now. They could split the payment up but again I don't know financially if we will be able to do it. I told them I would send what I could, when I could and left it at that. They want me to call back in two weeks and let them know what I will be sending. And really even $10 will keep them off your back for awhile. I really didn't want to make that call but I did it and I'm glad it's out of the way.

I also have to keep reminding myself that 1. They can't garnish an unemployment check. 2. most places are going to be at least somewhat understanding for a month or so and 3. most importantly from watching what my BIL went through it can take a long time to lose a house. It's way to early to panic. He has only technically been unemployed 2 days. He's filed unemployment, he has one more payroll check coming(for his last week of work), we will make July's house payment and we are selling our second car. If that sells we will at least have 1/2-3/4 of August's house payment. That's not to bad considering the amount of notice we were given.

This is really giving me a chance to practice the philosophy of living in the moment. Every one says we need to be more "present" in our lives. Appreciate the beauty of the day, appreciate what you have, stop and smell the roses so to speak. Well, since smelling roses is free I should do it!!

Billy is off golfing this afternoon. His brother offered to take him and since he has yet to golf this year he went. He did spend an hour or so online this morning, refined his resume and e-mailed a couple more.

He has yet to call any of his contacts which I wish he would do. I think he might have better luck at getting a better paying job with someone who knows him and knows his work. Still I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those wives who micro-manage their husbands and their lives. I have to let him do it, and at his pace. His resume is out and all I can do is keep my fingers crossed and pray for what ever will be, will be(and the grace to accept whatever it is God choses for us, something that I've always struggled with)

My only gripe right now is weather. It has been so damn hot and humid that I just feel like I'm going to melt into the floor. Yesterday it was 92 degrees F and when you factored the humidity it was 102. It's not even afternoon yet and it's already 84 and muggy as heck. We don't dare turn on the air! Even with 3 fans I'm still sweating up a storm and sleeping has been really hard for all of us the last few nights. They say the weather will break somewhat today with some storms but they still are predicting a hotter than average summer UGH!!!! Let's hope the weather people are right about the temp but wrong about the summer as a hole.

I got to see Jason's video again this morning on VH-1. I'm not keen on the video as a whole or the choice of this as the first single but he is damn fine to look at first thing in the morning!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Only good things today!!

I've decided I'm going to try to adjust my attitude. I can't really change anything at the moment so obsessing about it isn't going to help so I'm staying positive.

The anti-depressant must be working because I feel much more like myself. I can think more clearly, my appetite is back, I'm sleeping better and while I'm still scared I'm not as freaked as I was.

However I don't know if it was the heat/humidity that we are having here in Michigan or me starting back on my pills but I felt all sorts of funky yesterday. I physically felt off balance, super tired and just kind of funky. I took it real easy yesterday, drank a lot of water, and took a long nap. Last night I only took 1/2 an anti-depressant and I think I'm going to keep at that level and see how I feel from there.

Saturday was great! I was able to go with the Michigan stitchers to Port Huron for the day. I thought that maybe it would be hard watching everyone else buy and me not being able to but I found it was really fun to watch other people make their choices. Ok, I did have a hard time walking away from a piece of fabric but mainly because it was a huge piece for so little money.

After the GTG the boys, Billy and I went out to watch his brother play hockey again. I was looking forward to it because it was so hot in the house. Halfway there we found out the actual game was canceled but we watched them practice for an hour instead. It was great to actually be cold for a little while!! As we were leaving Uncle Dave gave Donovan an old hockey stick and gave G an old puck. OMG, you would of thought he gave them gold or something with how excited they were. They spent most of yesterday playing "hockey" in the yard. I wonder if Pee Wee hockey may be in our future....

In my effort to continue to look on the bright side of things I have to say I like having Billy home. His so happy and in such a good mood that's it's a joy to have him here. Not to mention I'm getting things done around the house. We got the stove in the other day into the house, yesterday morning he cleaned out the garage and this coming weekend he's talking about putting up some doors we bought 4 years ago that have been just sitting in our garage. His brother also has an used ceiling fan in their attic that they are going to give us(we have one but it's old, ugly and makes a ton of noise when we use it) and hopefully we are going to get it up sometime this week. We could really use it since it's super hot/humid this week and we don't want to turn on the a/c.

Don't get me wrong, I hope he goes back to work and SOON but for now I'm going to try to enjoy this little break. We didn't think he would get any time off this summer so we will enjoy it while we can.

We also got one less thing to worry about. We have medical insurance until the end of the month so DH took G in this morning for his Kindergarten physical. He is in perfect health. The only thing he needs is an eye exam but I can get one for free from the health department. It's a shame I got a million other worries on my list but I'm glad to cross one thing off!

Now if I could just get my urge to stitch back. My "Christmas Flourishes" is whimpering but I still can't sit still to stitch.

And I know I'm too old to believe in signs but on Saturday DH and Donovan found a 4 leaf clover. We could use all the extra luck we can get and I'm hoping that it's a sign of good things to come.

Oh yeah, how could I forget. My day started with seeing Jason's new video on TV. I've watched it dozens of times on the computer so it wasn't new but it was nice to see it get some airplay and a good way to start the morning. Damn, he looks fine with his guitar in his hands! I don't know what they did to his voice on this album but his voice is sounding so awesome. Not that it was bad before but now it sounds so mature, and rich, and full.

Friday, June 24, 2005

A few calls are starting to come in...

Billy keeps telling me the printing community is pretty small but I didn't realize how small until Billy started getting calls on job leads yesterday. He's only told a small group of people, his mom, an old co-worker, and his brother. Yesterday morning the phone stared ringing. Most were sympathetic and a few suggestions of places that might be looking or who else to call. He has no clue how the word got out but it has. I have to think this is good thing. One call even led to him heading out this morning for a few hours to help install a new press(he does the software end of it). It's very unlikely that it will pan out to a full time job but it gives us a few bucks to bank and since he's still technically employed through today it won't interfere with unemployment.

I'm again fighting to keep my panic under control but failing miserably. In the whole mix I find myself incredibly angry at my mom for not teaching me coping skills or to feel like I was in control of anything or for never forcing me to stand on my two feet, EVER in my life. I think that's why I react the way I do to most situations. I feel in control of very few things in my life and like I said before I feel like I'm constantly just reacting to things instead of being proactive. I really must work on this.

It doesn't help that I had been feeling out of sorts for awhile. My anxiety levels have been building over the last couple of months. I've been having trouble sleeping either sleeping too much to having trouble with staying asleep, my conentration is shot, I've been really edgy, increase in headaches and just basically not feeling well. I had really hoped with the summer being here I would be able to get a better handle on things since it was a chance to take things at a much slower pace. The anxiety got pretty high this month during that time of the month. Again I had hoped when that was over I'd be back on track. I didn't get much of chance to try that theory out since Billy got laid off.

To try to get a better handle on things I've decided to go back on my anti-depressant. Last October when Billy got laid off then my Dr offered me a new prescription in case I needed them. Since he went back to work almost immediately I didn't need them but kept them in my cupboard. I have enough to get me through 3 months. We talked then about how to start them and how to wean myself off them when I was ready. I took my first one last night. I felt like a failure that I yet again couldn't handle what's is a normal "bump" in the the road of life. At least I slept through the night last night. Today I feel somewhat stronger but I know it's too soon for them to have started to work. My goal today is jut to eat a little something, try to stay calm in front of the kids and in my dealing with my kids. (They sense the stress in the house and are acting out accordingly) and to try to stitch a little. Panicking, not eating and not stitching is not getting Billy a new job.

On the good news front I got a "new to me" stove put in yesterday. We got our oven almost 8 years ago for $200. It was a bare bones gas stove but it has served us well over the years. About two years ago it started to get flaky. The burners wouldn't light with the electronic ignition anymore so I had to hand light the burners with a match. Then last year the oven started to get flaky. Sometimes it would go a couple of days where it wouldn't want to work. Last summer I had a repairman come and look at it. After about 45mins of tinkering he told me he had good news and bad news. The good news was the oven was again working but the bad news is he has no clue why it stopped working in the first place or why it suddenly was working again. He thought it was likely we had some kind of lose wire somewhere but it could take hours to track down.

Last month my MIL but herself a new stove. She was convinced her old oven wasn't keeping accurate temperatures. She had it serviced twice and both times they told her it was fine. She finally got my FIL to agree and she bought a new one. She offered us the old one and since Billy is a pack rat he agreed to take it and put it in our garage "just in case". Since he had some time on his hands yesterday afternoon he had his brother come out and help him move the old one out and new one in.

It's in excellent shape and the burners light all by themselves. It is self cleaning, has an oven light and built in timer. It even beeps when it gets up to the set temperature. I made pizza in last night and the temperature seemed right to me. It also doesn't seem to give off as much "heat" into the room like my old stove did. Good thing for the summer.

I will be busy and distracted this weekend thankfully. Saturday I have GTG with the Michigan stitchers. We are going to Mary Maxim in Port Huron. I had made previous arrangements with one of them to sell a couple of patterns so I do have lunch money. I'm riding along w/Misty and Delphine and have a couple of bucks to throw in for gas.

On Sunday there is a Lodge bowling party. The Lodge is paying for it but donations are welcome. I think they will understand if we don't kick in some money this time.

On Monday though I'm worried what will happen. It will be the first day Billy will be off with no pay!! Man, I was so not ready for this......

Thursday, June 23, 2005

No progress picture today!

I had been trying to post a weekly picture of my progress on my "Christmas Flourishes". I stitched a bit last Friday and then we had a busy weekend and didn't stitch at all. Monday and Tuesday I didn't stitch either because I felt kind of out of sorts and couldn't concentrate on it so I read instead. And then yesterday happened....Not sure if I will be able to stitch at all today. Yes, stitching is calming but I think I'm way to stressed to attempt it at the moment. We shall see.

On the plus side Billy woke up in a good mood. He told me this was the first morning in 7 months where he didn't have chest pains and his psoriasis which has been red/inflamed quite badly for the past several months is back to it's normal skin tone color. All signs that his stress level is back down.

He fixed his resume yesterday and a friend looked it over and gave it a few more suggestions. He has a list of places in the area that he's going to just send his resume too(can't hurt right?) and make a few phone calls.

Like I said I know we have July's house payment and unemployment will cover our food bill but as for the rest that's up to God right now. He's provided for us in the past and he will to again. I just have to have faith that it will all turn out ok. It always has in the past, maybe not on the time schedule we wanted or the way we thought it would but it has. I have to hang tight to that and put on a brave front for Donovan.

And Happy Birthday to Jason Mraz!! He turns 28 day. He has no concert today so I hope he is doing something fun and happy to celebrate his day. Every year older he gets makes me feel like less of a perv for lusting after his mind and music(and his body :D )

I should warn you that I"m sure my blog is going to become boring and I would understand completely if people stopped reading it until Dh is back to work.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Feeling a bit more optimistic!

Spending the day with friends did a lot to improve my mood. I've gotten a lot of good things from my experience with the internet, the Michigan Area Stitchers being the best of it. They are such amazing(over used word I know lately but it's all I can think of) women and so wonderfully supportive. They gave me a shoulder to cry on, a hug, some chocolate and lots of good things to laugh at. The railed right along with me and assured me that Billy's ex-company will surely go out of business without him or at the very least regret their decision...And soon!! All things I wanted/needed to hear. Misty also plied my kids with much treats and lots of room and other kids to play with. Both are dead tired and fell asleep in the car.

Dh also got what he needed today in his family. He admitted he should of spent the afternoon putting out some feelers but he figured what the heck, he was still getting paid for today so he spent the afternoon at his brother's house doing pretty much what I was only replace the chocolate with beer and it sums up his day. He's not falling down drunk(and I don't think in all the time I've known him he's ever been that way) but his brother was kind enough to drive him home.

Now we are just left with what to tell the kids. Donovan had a bit of a melt down when we got home. He said that something was wrong. I know he was tired but he's also not a dumb kid and can sense the tension in the house. My tears this morning didn't help. Billy and I are torn whether we should tell him the truth or wait and see what happens. Last year when the old company went out of business Billy was pretty much re-employed right away so we told the kids he was on "vacation". Today he just said they let him have some time off since he had been working so hard.

I didn't have much of a childhood. My mom told me pretty much everything all of the time. I knew our financial situation pretty early on and really fretted over it, A LOT!! My goal a lot of the time as a parent has been to do better by my kids. I mean I loved my mom but mom of the year she wasn't and I want my kids to have carefree times and happy childhood memories.

Both Billy and I gave him the speech that everything was fine. I was just a little sad today and that he shouldn't worry. We would all be here in the morning, the house would be here, he's have his toys and clothes and food and we would take care of him. I sure hope it was enough.

I know the stress earlier this year really got to him and it showed in his behavior. I sure hope it's not like that again and whatever Billy finds that it makes him a lot happier than this job did.

I'm also worried about the state of our marriage. I mean it got bad, I mean bad, bad. To the point I wondered if we may eventually divorce. It really scares me that we might get to that point again.

I also told Billy today that I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to deal with all this again. He was blunt. I havet two choices: Stay here and ride it out or leave. Leave him, leave the kids, and go. When he put that way it was pretty obvious what the choice was.

I also told him when he is back to work we must make it a priority to get me back to school. I've been doing some research. My ultimate goal/dream is to become a massage therapist. That takes about a year and about 8K to accomplish. Not bad in the grand scheme of things but out of reach for awhile. Instead now I'm thinking of going back to school to learn how to draw blood. There is a school nearby that has night classes and it takes around 8wks. I'm not sure of the cost but it's got to be less than 8k. Do I think I could support our family on this income? No but I sure could improve our lot, that's for sure. I also hate, hate, hate this feeling of helpless that I have. I feel like I"m always just "reacting" to what life throws out me. For a long time I was able to just concentrate on the life I was building for my kids but I can't do it anymore. I have to be a more active participant in our lives. I could go get a crappy minimum wage job(which I will do if I have to) but if with a little schooling, a little skill, I could do something more around my schedule and make the same if not more money I think that is a better way to go.

All in all today sure wasn't at all what I was expecting when I went to bed last night. It's funny how life is like that huh?

But I do have something to look forward to, Dancing with the Stars is on tonight which is my new favorite show and I get to wake up next to the man I love and see my kids shining faces. What more could I ask for, really?

Best laid plans....

Billy got laid off this morning. I got up and within a few minutes of getting up I see him pull in the drive way. I didn't immediately think "Oh, no" but wondered what he forgot. I was stunned when he told me that he and 3 other employees were laid off this morning.

I'm trying to remain calm and not panic but hey, not panicking is not my strong suit!!! Again I think dh is just relieved. I know he was desperately unhappy there and the stress was giving him literally chest pains and drove him back to smoking. I know it was not a good place and I had been giving him gentle encouragement to look elsewhere. He was stubborn(or scared) and wanted to make it to the one year mark. I think he just felt that maybe if he could bide his time things would improve.

I think we both got a bad feeling when an old employee was hired back to do essentially what he had been promised to do. Still I think he thought they put the investment of the outside training that they wouldn't throw that investment away so easily. We thought wrong.

I can't be angry at him. I don't think it's his fault. He worked hard, learned what he could. I don't think it was a matter of skills at all. I think truly it came down to they like this other person better than him and they aren't as interested in streamlining their ways like they said they were. They went from getting proofs done in a day back to 4 days. If they want to work that way fine.

Now for the practical matters. He still has two paychecks coming, they will pay him for a full week and he has some overtime on the next check.

We are now without insurance(damn, I knew I should of gone to the dentist sooner) and zero safety net. Last time we had a little money in the bank, and some of our home equity. This time we are not so lucky and I'm much, much more fearful then last time. Last time we had almost a month for him to find something. This time we have just a few days.

Still I have to keep reminding myself of all the things I learned last time. It takes a long time to lose your house or have your utilities shut off. We have friends, family who will help us if needed and I just have to have faith that all will work out again.

I'm just so scared. The last transistion was so hard. Billy got so cold, so distant, that I really feared for our marriage. It also put us in a hole financially, one that we are just now getting out of and that was when he got re-employed right away. Anytime off and we could be in serious trouble. Like bankruptcy trouble......

The list of things to worry about seem endless. It's almost the first of the month again, where will the house payment come from? It's almost the 4th of july weekend, who hires around a holiday? Then there is the future, eye exam for G for school, school physical for G, school supplies, two birthdays, Christmas UGH. I'm plain scared spitless.

DH wants to take the day to reflect and every fiber of my being is screaming at him to pick up the phone and call someone, anyone.

Thankfully I have plans for the day to see some of the michigan area stitchers so that will be a distraction. IT's also baseball/t-ball game night so there is that.

but still I was supposed to do the grocery shopping can I do that when I'm terrified of no money coming in.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Teasing, A parental Dilemma!

In my childhood I was teased pretty badly in grade school. I remember one boy in particular, LaDon Nixon, who made my 4th grade year really miserable. I remember feeling sick on the bus ride to school and not being able to concentrate at times during class.

I was happy when Donovan started school that they take this kind of thing much more seriously then they did when I was in grade school. I know you can't completely wipe it out but I think they watch out for it more.

Right at the end of school I was waiting at the bus stop with Donovan and one of the older boys started picking on him. It wasn't anything too serious but kept calling him donut head(amazing what kids come up as an insult) and I know it could of been much worse. I held back at first because I wanted to see first if it bugged Donovan and how he handled it. He handled it pretty well and told the kid to shut up(I let the not so nice way he said it slide). The kid persisted and it wasn't until he continued that I stepped in. He stopped pretty quickly but I was proud that Donovan's first reaction was to stand up for himself and then let most of the rest of just slide.

Tonight it happened to Gaelan. Gaelan joined t-ball this year but I don't think his heart is in it and it shows. Even though it's all for fun, he can't really catch or hit the ball. Billy and I have offered a lot to get out there and practice with him but G is not interested. I think really he only joined t-ball because Donovan was playing baseball but Billy said he'd sign them both up.

Initially G's lack of skill wasn't that big of a deal because all the kids were bad. Now after a few games and some practicing most of the kids are at least catching on. Not G. He's content to run the bases, draw in the sand with his feet and take frequent water breaks.

Today at practice the coach was lobbing balls at the kids for them to catch. They were easy, even I could of caught them. I got out there on the field with him to try to show him, in my very girly way, how to at least get behind the ball(if you can't catch it, stop it with your feet at least). He caught on slightly but he still missed a lot of the balls(I admire the coach for trying though, he's determined to teach G something). A little boy next to him though thought it was funny every time G missed a ball and laughed. He then started in on a chant that "Gaelan is Gay". I waited for G to stand up for himself but frankly I'm not sure if G heard or really cared. I did however and I said something to the kid. It stopped for like a minute and he was back at it. Thankfully they moved on to batting practice so he wasn't near G for the rest of the practice.

So now I'm pondering what to do. It didn't bug G but I don't think the kid should be talking like that. I couldn't tell which parental unit he belonged to because we had to leave pretty quickly after practice because we had to get back across town to pick up Billy and Donovan at their practice since we are now down to just one vehicle. Billy thinks we should say something to the coach or at the very least at the next game try to figure out which parent the child belongs to and say something. I'm not sure though...My gut reaction of course was to go over to the kid and pop him like a pimple but I didn't and now away from the situation I'm wondering if maybe we should jsut let this go and see what happens next.

It looks like it's going to be a long rest of the season whatever we do. G is already on the verge of quitting. He doesn't like it, he's not really that coordinated and he has not interest in trying to get any better. I think he would be much happier just hanging out at the park and watching his brother play but we are trying to teach him about commitment and being part of a team.

I told Billy next practice he can take G and handle it.

It's Monday!!

Where did the weekend go? I just flew by!! But it the start of the first full week of Summer vacation. I got to stay in bed until 7:30am. YEA!!!

It was a good weekend for me, not so great for Billy. The poor guy had to work on/off most of the weekend and even when he wasn't at work I could see that he was still thinking about it. Not much of a Father's Day for him. He worked 56 hours during the week and then put in about 12 hours over the weekend. Saturday night he was at the office until midnight, back there at 5am Sunday morning for a 2 more hours and then back after dinner. The poor guy looked exhausted this morning. They are preparing for a system upgrade so he was in charge of archiving all the old files. This week promises to be as busy. Still I'm trying to remember at least he is getting paid for the overtime instead of being on salary. It still a cold comfort that he's missed bedtime 3 nights in a row(he mentioned this, not I).

I also think all the stress at the office is getting to him. This transition has been really hard on him and I'm afraid a lot of the stress is self induced. He is such a perfectionist at the office. I think the stress has taken a toll and I think he is back to smoking. He was a smoker when we first met. After about 6 weeks of dating he quit. I didn't force him too or anything he just did on his own cold turkey. He had already been smoking 5 years so I know it was hard for him but he did it. For the next couple of years he would have the occasional cigarette like when he went out with a certain friend or when his grandmother passed away. I tried not to make a big deal of it.

It's hard not to say something or freak out at this recent turn of events. I lost my mom to lung cancer. She was only 53 years old and didn't get to see her two grandchildren grow up or meet my two children at all. It was a quick death relative to cancer but left a huge hole in my life. Billy was there with me when she died so he knows that this stuff can kill you. He also watched his mother suffer very severe health problems tied to the fact that she too was a long time smoker. I can't believe he could pick one back up. Let's not even get into the expense of it. Yes, with all the overtime we are doing much better on money but still we are still struggling. If he has a couple of hundred dollars to throw away each month then let's throw it in a savings account...Or heck, give it to charity at this point. Cigarettes are nearly $5 a pack!!!!

I've suspected it for awhile. I've smelled it on his clothes but he chalked it up to other people in the office smoking. Last week I smelled it in the car. He said he gave a co-worker a ride. Last night I could smell it when he kissed me. He had obviously tried to cover it with a mint but as a non-smoker I could tell. I didn't say anything because at midnight, after all that work, the last thing Billy needed was a bitchy wife nagging him. I hope it's a short passing phase....

Even my beloved Jason Mraz, a long time smoker, and who had professed his love of smoking in many a journal entry, has recently quit.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Thursday progress picture:

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I'm really happy with how much progress I'm making on this project. It's a HUGE project and I have a long way to go but it's moving quickly. I had to make a substitution for the gold. It called for Nordic Gold that I couldn't find at my LNS. I decided to just use a Petite Treasure Braid I had in my stash. The gold is really a highlight and an accent in sections. I think the PTB is plenty shiny and like how it looks next to the green. If there were large sections of gold I might of been more willing to track the right thread down but I'm happy with how it looks. It also allowed me to keep moving on this WIP and saved me some money...Both good things!!

I also got to my LNS last weekend and got the green braid I needed as well as the beads. They were having a sale so I got them at 20% off and was very good and got only what I went for...YEAH!! I like the little sparkle my project now has. Of course this project is really about the colors than the sparkle and the beads but still it's pretty!!

The last week has been pretty boring, and not a lot to talk about. Last weekend was another good one. Like I said I got to my LNS, helped set up a lodge function, went to my nieces combo 18th/graduation open house, went to watch my BIL play hockey and got a chance to hang out at home and stitch too. Billy had to go into work for about 6 hours on Saturday night. I gotta tell you it's a lot easier to watch him go out the door to work like that when you know he's getting paid over time instead of like at his old job where he was basically giving away his time.

The weather here has been gross!! It was so hot and so humid. We had rain just about every day but it did nothing to cool things down. Baseball/t-ball was canceled on Monday.

The weather caused a huge strain on the power grid. We were in a brown out situation a couple of afternoons in a row. We had power but most everything had to be kept off for fear of hurting the equipment.

Thankfully the weather broke yesterday and we seem to have gone in the other direction. This morning it's only 61, cloudy, and a bit cool. I guess we can't have any happy medium. I'd rather have it cool than hot though the boys are anxious to take the sprinkler out again.

Donovan is finally done with school. I'm so happy!!! He's still up pretty early but it's really nice not having to rush every morning. We can take things at our pace. This morning they did sleep until after 7:30am so I was pretty happy about that.

As promised here are some baseball pictures of the boys. I took these last week at their first game:

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and here is a picture of our viscous dog:
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Our home owners insurance company has decided not to renew our policy because of our apparently vicious dog. Vicious, yeah right, that's a laugh. She is a barker and will bark at most anything walking by but she is a pretty gentle dog. We are responsible owners in that she is never outside without us being home and she's not around strangers without supervision. I just find it so silly that I've had her 8 years with never a complaint from anyone. She's never bit, never snapped, never been aggressive with anyone/anything but they can drive by(at least I'm assuming that's what they did because no one has come to the door)and make a judgment. I'm on the defensive and I haven't even done anything wrong. I'm still waiting to hear from our agent and we do have almost a months notice so I'm sure we can find another carrier. I just find it absurd that we are being dropped because of her.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Summer is here with a vegnance!!!

Just a few weeks ago I was moaning about how cold, damp and chilly it was. It seems that someone was listening and has turned summer on to full blast. It has been so hot and humid and it's not even officially summer yet. I broke down yesterday and had to turn on the air conditioning. It hit 85 in the house and even with fans everyone it was stifling. I was sweating just sitting still so on the air went. It took awhile to cool down the house but helped with the humidity.

I haven't blogged in awhile. Some has been the weather, some it's just been too busy doing fun things and hanging with the family to do it.

Last Friday Dh took me out for my birthday. We had a bit of a snafu with the sitter on my birthday weekend so we waited a week. Man, it was worth the wait. We were going to go with a group of friends but most dropped out by the time the night came. That was fine with me because Dh and I had a great time. We ate, drank, danced, played some darts, played some pool and I got hit on while he was in the bathroom. It was a good night for me to let loose and have a little fun. I was feeling a bit old and frumpy with turning 38 but DH made me wear something a little tight, a little low cut and I had a blast. I felt young again and shook me out of my "funk". It reminded me age is a state of mind!!

Last Sunday was the lodges breakfast. Man, it was hot in that kitchen. The saving grace was that it had a light turnout so we didn't have to work as hard as usual but it was still not a bunch of fun. I have a real love/hate relationship with the lodge as a whole. They are like a family with great people and we have a lot of fun. It's built a great extended family for my kids and I know I have people I can depend on. Like a family though some people grate on your nerves and sometimes you just need a break from them. Normally that happened in the summer. We wouldn't do a breakfast in July since the first Sunday is near the 4th of July and a lot of people are out of town, the same held true for September/Labor Day as well. This year however they want to keep the "momentum" going so there will be no breaks this year. easy for a lot of them to say. Most show up 1/2 way through, go home early and don't work nearly as hard as I do. I'm not saying I do it all but I work my butt off from the start all the way through the end. I told Billy point blank, next month I'm taking off.

The same was true with meetings. The lodge would not meet during the month of July and August. I looked forward to having my Tuesday evenings with my husband back but again to keep the "momentum" going they will meet straight through the summer. This is for the "mythical" brothers who may come to town on vacation and want to "visit"....Which I doubt will happen.

I guess it ticks me off somewhat too that the master(also my brother in law) isn't there for all the functions, but can make the edicts that everyone else has to be. He has missed a lot of meeting and a lot of breakfasts. The year Billy was master was also the year I was pregnant with Donovan. The only breakfast he missed was the one two days after Donovan was born and one meeting the first week we were home from the hospital.

Ah well, like family you have to take the good and the bad. Still the morning of July 3 will find me snug in my bed and they can find someone else to make the biscuits!!!

Last night was my concert!! I've gushed on over on JPC and with my Michigan friends but I'll sum it up here to say it was AMAZING!! I've never been so close to the stage in my life. I was 15 rows back but it was a small venue so I was close enough to practically count eyelashes. He did 7 songs and he sounded really good. All the songs were ones I liked and I was so glad he didn't sing "The Remedy". Yeah, it's his big hit and he has to make a living but it's his worse song. I swooned a little when he sang "our" song "You and I both" which was the video that introduced me to the greatness that was Jason.

I'm still surprised I shelled out $80 for 7 songs or 45 minutes of time but man it was good. I saw him last year and while I enjoyed the show he was pretty mechanical, he came out, did his songs with very little chat or banter and left the stage. I understand now he was going through some stuff personally and professionally and we were towards the end of the tour so he was plain tired. Still I was a tad disappointed because this wasn't the performer I heard in all the concerts. Last night I saw that "Jason" and it was good!!

I'd say a majority of the crowd didn't know him but I think he won a lot over. The were respectful and he got a good round of applause at the end. I think this is good for him, to be exposed to a new fan base and new people. He did a nice mix of old/new stuff so I think they got a good representation of who is as an artist and what he can do.

I got to meet Toca, his famous percussionist/partner in crime, in the parking lot before the show. He was nice, shook my hand, told me to enjoy the show. Some other fans waited after the show and met him by the tour bus. I couldn't even fathom that. I don't know if I could of formed a sentence in his presence.

All in all it was the best $80 I've spent in a long time and the night couldn't of been any better. It was all I could of hoped for and more...Ok, he could of sang a little longer.

Here is the latest update on my Christmas Flourishes after 11 days of work:
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And yes, I'm starting to post again...A little. I finally realized that no matter what I did some people were still going to complain. I mean seriously I started a blog because I "annoyed" certain people but yet they read this too and complain about that. There is just no making some people happy so I'm going to stop trying.

Next time I will have to talk about the start of Baseball/T-Ball season. I have some cute shots of the boys in their new uniforms. It's such fun watching them play!!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I had hoped to post a progress picture this morning but for some reason Dh's computer is being a pain in the butt.

The last two days with the EZ-Boards down I've gotten an amazing amount of stitching done. It's I didn't realize how much time I spent online until I couldn't read my BB's. I don't spend all my time on the boards but once you sit down to check them it's very easy to then to wander your way over to other sites and next thing you know an hour or more has flown by. Without the excuse of "checking" the boards I found myself not really doing much online at all but stitched instead.

I didn't really understand the scoop of the hack until this morning and was reading through ez-board statements. It will probably become more apparent too when the forums are "restored" and you realize what is really gone. My main board was still pretty new so I hope it comes back and we get our tiny bit of money back from the community chest. If our posts are wiped that's fine, there wasn't a lot of history yet. I just don't get what someone gets out of doing something like that? Same thing can be said of viruses as well....I hope they find the person who did it!!!

I'm making really good progress on "Christmas flourishes" but I have to say I'm getting mighty sick of green. I started in the center of the project where there is a lot of green, in lots of different shades but green none the less. I hope soon to move either up to her face and the beautiful flowers in her hair or move down to more area's of her dress. I haven't decided which yet.

The boards are still pretty slow so I anticipate getting a lot more stitching done today. Maybe later I can post a picture of my progress.

Days until my concert: 6!!!(I'm getting super excited)

Well, after much swearing, and beating of Dh's computer I was finally able to get it to communicate with the digital camera. So here is my one week progress:

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"Christmas Flourishes" Designed by Nora Corbett, Copytright Mriabilia Designs