Warning: This is a rant!! just skip it if you want!!
I hate people!! Bitchy, narrow minded, close minded people, the people who only know or think they know one *tiny
* portion of your life and chose to make assumptions based on that little *tiny*
thing. Instead of being helpful or offering a real solution or idea, they chose to make a swipe or some other not so nice comment, better yet, how about if you can't say something nice or useful, how about keeping your fingers to yourself?
Money is tight, more than tight, every day it's a tight rope walk. When an opportunity to make some extra money comes along, especially when it doesn't involve gas money and paying for childcare, and very little disruption to your day to day life, why not take it? Is this such a foreign concept to some people? Are other people in such great shape that they can turn their back on cold hard cash for a minor, temporary inconvenience? Well hooray for them.
Is helping someone out such a foreign concept? Does everyone else have a gazzillion friends and family nearby that they can turn too on a moments notice if something goes wrong? Well hooray for that! Not everyone is so lucky.
Were none of them ever young, looking to make a change in their life? Were none of them young and just looking for a place to "rest" for a couple of months before making a big change in their life, a good change, but something that is going to take a lot of work and effort? Well, hooray for them if they have never needed such a thing.
You would also think in this day and age of "anything" goes kind of relationships, I'm amazed that anyone even "blinks" that another person is in my house. She is in my basement, not my bedroom, but say she was, would that make a difference? That would make it a lifestyle choice and you can't say anything about that to anyone. And what difference does that make? It's my life, to do with as I see fit, not yours, and all the silly assumptions you are making are just making me MAD!! Sometimes I think I would have an easier time if I just said yes, we are "living" together and are making a lifestyle choice. Is that better?
I was asked about this, I met her, liked her and said YES, without reservation, I wasn't forced, I wasn't pushed in any way by my DH, I was asked, with the option of saying no, and I DIDN'T, and I didn't want to. This makes sense on lots of different levels, financial being just one of them, and even if it was the only one, it would still be Ok. Would it be the same reaction if I said Steve was moving in instead of a Steph? I really think having another guy in the house would be a lot more work for me.
She also have an ENTIRE floor to herself. It's not like she is on my couch or in my face all the time. We aren't sharing a bathroom, a fridge, a stove, or anything really. She is gone all day, we've spent a few hours, over a course of a few days(our choice if we want to socialize or not), and most weekends she's gone. I barely, if ever hear her when she comes or goes and if anything she has tried really hard not to be disruptive. She offered to help with the kids last week when I was sick, she's taken D on a couple of bike rides, reads stories to G, is good to the dog, and offered to take us all out to dinner one day next week. How is this bad? Really where is the downside?(minus the cat peeing on the floor).
Before coming to live here she had an apartment to herself, didn't have kids up at 7am bouncing on the floor above, she didn't have a dog wanting to follow her around all the time. She could take a shower whenever she wanted without having to take any one elses schedule into account, she didn't have kids giving her the third degree when ever she walked in the door, she didn't have kids in her face wanting to talk to her, to play with her. I think her socializing as much as she has in the last week has been good for all of us, to get used to each other.
Talking to another adult, is not such a bad thing. Playign cards and interacting with other people instead of vegging in front of the TV or closing myself off with my stitching or a book, isn't such a bad thing too. I think in the past two weeks I've learned a lot more about what DH does on a daily basis then I have in the decade or so he's been doing it. When they start talking shop I feel a heck of a lot more comfortable asking her to explain something than DH. And honsetly if we weren't out on the deck playing cards then I would be lost in my stitching or a book and DH would be at the computer. At least this way Dh and I are itneracting, yes, a third person(and sometimes a 4th person) is there, but it's a lot more talking than we would do on a normal night.
I also find it really interesting that everyone we know in real life, my MIL, Dh's siblings, our good friends,her family(even her dad), her friends, not one of them have seemed to have any kind of problem with this arrangement. Not a single raised eyebrow, not a single crossed look, so why do so many other people have a problem with this? She is a friend, not a border, not a disruption, a FRIEND, and except for the cat and other narrow minded people in cyberspace, everyone seems to get this.
Should I mention that DH and I are thinking about joining her one night on her vacation next month? She will have her Dad's cottage for the week and she wanted to know if we wanted to come up and spend some time. DH doesn't have a lot of vacation time and I'm not really up for leaving the kids for more than an overnight but it's close enough we could easily leave really early on a Saturday morning, spend the day, stay overnight and come back late Sunday evening. Does that make people heads spin? She also offered if I wanted to come by myself for a few days I could do that as well....What would people say about that? And why should I care?
There is also not option, she is here, to stay, until at least October, so the cat, and others need to get used to that. Last time I checked it was my name and Dh's on the mortgage, not Meepers, and not anyone elses.