Picture day!

Not much is going on so not a lot to talk about so I thought I'd post some pictures today.

Here are some of Isis:


She just makes herself comfortable where ever she wants!


She loves the sun!!



Some recent stitching pictures:

One of these will go on a box top for my MIL, the other will be finished like an ornament for my SIL. There is one more in the series that I want to do before I decide which one will go for which. The one on the right doesn't seem "big" enough on the box but the other one kind of reminds me of a Totem pole, not a Celtic cross. The colors are really vibrant in them. They are both done on 32 count platinum evenweave.


Designed by Mike Vickery, Copyright Mike Vickery

This was an attempt to make an ornament that doesn't scream Christmas for the boys teacher. I'm not sure if I like it. I love these hardanger ornaments but I fear I've done all the ones by her that I liked and wish she would design some new ones!!

Designed by Lynn Hermanson, Copyright Hermanson Hardanger

This is for me:


Designed by Nora Corbett, Copyright Mirabilia Designs, you can find a copy for free on her website

It's being done on a mystery piece of 32 count linen. It's a good thing I planned it for me because it's not centered well. I'm not sure if I screwed up or if the centering lines are off on the pattern. I have barely 1/2" on one side and almost an inch on the other side. I should be able to finish it even with such a tiny margin. I may have to use quilt batting instead of foam but that will be OK. I was too far into it when I realized the mistake so I'm just going to go ahead and finish it. I had originally intended to leave the background off of this one but I saw a couple of finished pieces, one without the background, one with, and I have to say I liked it better with the background. She carries a candle in her hand and I like the "glow" around it and how it contrasts with the background. It's boring to stitch which is why I'm doing it first. I also plan on replacing the DMC metallic with Krienik #4 braid.

Things are going pretty good here. G has a nasty cough. It doesn't seem to be getting better, but not getting worse, and he doesn't seem to be sick. I think it's the weather. It's been really warm and humid here and I'm hoping when the weather changes it might get better. I've been dosing him with Robatussin in hopes of breaking up the congestion and help move it through.

D has a nasty cold sore on his bottom lip. It started out tiny and has really grown in size. It almost looks like a comma on his lower lip. It would heal if he would leave it alone but he is always chewing on it or rubbing it with his shirt. I feel his pain but he has to leave it alone for it to go away. Last night he let me clean it out with some peroxide and it looked better this morning.

Last night was lodge and a typically long night. They are practicing for installation of officers on Saturday so they had a lot to go over. The boys and I watched "Charlie Brown Christmas" together and then they went to bed. S got home right after that and her and I got a chance to hang out. It was the first chance I had to spend some alone time with her since her coming back from Florida and it was nice to just chat with her again. She has become such a great friend and I have so much funwith her. We were going to try to stay up and wait for DH because we had discussed earlier in the day via e-mail playing some Scrabble but S was just beat. She has been really busy since she got home and really needed the sleep.

I tried a new dinner last night. I've been browsing the Betty Crocker site trying to find new things to cook and ran across a recipe for pasta and meatballs. It was basically 1 cup of water, a jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce, 20 frozen meatballs, and 1 1/2 cups of elbow macaroni. It was pretty good, at least DH and I liked it, the boys not so much. Of course they don't like a lot of things. IF I were to make it again I would use a little less macaroni because it was kind of dry but other than that it was good. I think a lot depends on the quality of the meatballs and the sauce.

Parent Teacher Conferences

So last night was the conferences for both boys. I went in there was a pretty good idea of what I was going to hear, and that's about what we heard.

Gaelan - If there was any surprise to the night it was here. I knew he was doing good but at home G can be a bit scattered and I have a hard time getting him to focus, so I sometimes worried how he was in school, but I don't need to worry. His teacher said he is one of her best students. He comes in excited about learning everyday and is her best listener and following of directions. He's reading is excellent, slightly above grade level, and if there is anything to work on was for him to push himself a little more. His math, well, she said he has a real knack for it. He catches on much quicker than some of the other kids and seems to really love math as well. I was told something similar when he was in the pre-K program and I'm glad to see that it has continued. They didn't seem to do a lot of math in Kindergarten but I'm glad to see they are doing lots in first grade. She also said that he is a very kind and considerate child, always to tries to help, is friends with everyone, and really seems to care about others and their feelings. She also said he is pretty popular because he tells great stories. His report card was excellent and felt really pleased. I'm so glad that he is enjoying first grade so much!!

Donovan - I was surprised to hear that D is in the highest reading group in his class and actually she said he reads even better than that. Like I said before, so far this year every spelling test has been 100%, the only kid in the class to do this. She was very surprised when I told her that in first grade he was actually reading well below grade level and received extra help. He is doing great in science and social studies. She says that he is a very bright, eager student. We then turned to math. She told us what I expected. He has the basic concepts but is very hit/miss on how well he does. She agreed with my assessment that because it's "harder" for him to grasp, and takes a little work, he doesn't want to do it. He's not lazy, but math is not fun for him like the other subjects. He is by no means failing but he does need to work harder and get these concepts down so she suggested maybe the use of some math software for the computer might be a help so I'm looking at some options. Socially she said he too is doing well. She said he is exceedingly polite, always has a please/thank you, always waits his turn, always tries his best, is well liked by the other kids and she said he is "a joy to have" in her class. His report card for the most part was good, with a few mark down for the math concepts. She ended the meeting with "keep up the good work". At home lately DH has been a real handful, especially with DH, always pushing the bounderies, talking back etc. When we left the conference DH jokingly asked me why the teacher didn't send that child home to us, because the child at home is only remotely similar to the child she just described. Still I'd rather them misbehave at home than at school.

All in all I'm really pleased with my boys and downright proud. D has come sooooo incredibly far from that shy kid he was and G is just well, doing awesome. They may be a bit of a handful at home but it's nice to hear they aren't like that at school. I sounds like both of them are well on their way. Let's hope it continues for the rest of the year.

Today was a nice day for me. It was nice to send the boys back to school and enjoy the quiet of the house for a little while. I went out this afternoon with my MIL shopping. I'm amazed at the how Christmas is in *full* blown mode even though it's over a week until Thanksgiving. I understand the retailers make so much money on Christmas and they need to eek out every penny of it but it's sad too. You really don't have a chance to look forward to Christmas, it's just crammed down your throat, and I'm sorry, I can't think Christmas when the leaves are still on the tree and it's still above freezing. Don't get me wrong, I craft for Christmas all year long, I buy gifts all year long, but what I saw today was just a bit much. Then I heard on TV today that the city of Detroit is doing their tree lighting ceremony this Friday, before Christmas, again too soon.

I'm off to play some Scrabble with Steph while DH is at lodge. I like playing with her because sometimes I can win. I have only won 4 games of Scrabble in the 19 years DH and I have been together.

A couple of pictures

I meant to post these.

Here is Isis on Dh's hockey bag. She lookes like she is ready to go play:



Here is a picture of the upcoming birthday boy. He just looked so cute in his sleep last night I couldn't resist taking a picture:



and just cause I havent' done this in a while. He is lovely

TGIF

Today is Friday!! We survived another week and we are looking forward to a nice 3 day weekend with the boys having Monday off due to parent/teacher conference's. G is so looking forward to his birthday this weekend and I am to. It will be nice to have family here but I have to say I'm amazed that my baby is turning 7. Seemed like just yesterday he was a baby.....I just have to make the cake tomorrow night and we are pretty set for the party. I got the carpet cleaned this morning. It didn't help a whole bunch, it needs to be replaced, but it smells better and is bit cleaner.

It was very nice that when I was done with the carpet, Steph was here with Donuts...YUM!!! We have breakfast together nearly every day. I get the boys to the bus stop, take my morning walk and then Steph and I hang out for an hour or so, depending on her schedule. Most mornings we just have coffee, well, I drink de-caf tea, but we sit and drink, talk, and it's a fun way to start the day. I was worried about having someone here all the time, but I have found I like to be social, more than I thought. One day a week, usually Friday's since it's her lightest day, we eat something. Sometimes I'll make some muffins or she will make omelets, but this morning she had to take her boyfriend to the airport so she was gone very early. I thought we were going to have to skip our breakfast today but she came in about 10am with donuts. They were so yummy!!

Dh had a great time at his hockey game and I'm made at myself for being so upset with him when I saw what a great time he had. In the end it turned out to be a good night for me as well. Steph was here a few minutes after I wrote my admittedly semi-whiny post. We had a good time. We all played Fish together and she kept them entertained while I got the dinner dishes done. After the boys were in bed we played Scrabble, shared some wine(I had a tiny glass since I'm not supposed to be drinking) and watched the hockey game on TV. Dh was home about midnight, all excited about the game and the fact that the wings had won. He was also thrilled that his boss let him take his truck home because it was so far out of DH's way to drive from the arena after the game, all the way back out to the office to get his car. Steph watched the boys while DH took me for a mini drive in the truck before we went to bed. It was really cool, with seat warmers and everything. The seat warmers feel odd because your butt is warm but the outer parts of the seat is still cold. We weren't gone very long but it was nice to have another adult in the house so we could just pop out for a few minutes(this has come in handy quite a few times)

While at the game DH and his boss talked only a little business which DH said was actually kind of nice. They talked some more about Steph's schedule and ideally they would like her to work 5-10 pm on the days she has school and then the two days she doesn't have school she would work 2-10pm, and then as needed on the weekends. So while DH and her would technically be working together, they wouldn't be in there all the time together. I was worried they might get sick of each other but if they are only working together basically 6 hours a week, I don't think that will happen. Both of them are excited at the thought of working together. The company is doing really well and growing super fast. Dh was lucky to get in when he did.

Yesterday the weather here in Michigan was GLORIOUS!! It was more of a early fall day, instead of late fall day, it was in the 60's warm/sunny. Steph was done with work and home by noon. She was heading to a local coffee shop to study and I tagged along. While she studied I window shopped and spent a wonderful hour walking through a book store. I walked home from there, about 3 miles, and it felt really good to walk in the sunshine, and enjoy the fresh air. I feel so much better now that I've been walking every day but I worry what I'm going to do when it gets too cold to walk.

I've been trying to stitch every day. My stitching slump seems to be over and I'm excited once again to pick up a needle. I'm trying to do the 2006 Cherub for myself but I find that my wrist, arm and hand are all starting to hurt when I stitch. I try to take frequent breaks(15 mins out of every hour I'll do something else, like dishes or laundry, or something like that) but that wasn't helping. I have one of the support gloves for my wrist/hand but when I use that, it then makes my elbow hurt. I'm wondering it it's because I didn't stitch for so long and that maybe things will loosen up in a little while. It's frustrating to have the urge to stitch and all this time to stitch and then to have it hurt.

I saved the best for last.....DH IS GETTING A BONUS!!! The numbers came in for the 3rd quarter and they were good so he is getting a bonus. It's not very big, only a couple of hundred, but its something and will allow us to buy some thing for the boys for Christmas. I was so worried about it and Dh told me to just have faith and it will all work out, and it has. We also think we can take some of the money from my part time job in December to add to it so we should be able to Ok for our boys this year. What a huge relief!! I doubt we wil have money for gifts for each other or for other people but the boys will be Ok.

In the same meeting Dh's boss thanked him for coming to the game and for working as hard as he does, even though he often doesn't get paid for it being on salary. He said that they have noticed how willing he is to help out in any way he can and that they would talk about more money again after the first of the year. At the end of the meeting he said to Dh to take me out to dinner over the weekend and he'd pay for it. His boss has done this several times and it's really nice to have him do that. I was thinking we would have some McDonalds or something for lunch tomorrow while shopping for the last of G's gift, now we might be able to have something a little better. We bought an entertainment book from the school last month for their fundraiser so we are going to go through the book tonight and pick a place out. So that should teach me, when ever I feel down, I should just wait a little bit, and things will pick up.

On one sad note. The boys play with two little boys from down the street. Their Dad is in the National Guard and he has been called up for duty. He leaves on Saturday for training first in New Jersey. They are having a fund raiser to raise money for the soldiers to come home during Christmas and go back before being deployed to Iraq I think early in 2007. DH and I wrote a check for it last night. It's not nearly as big as we would like, but it's something. The boys were saying there Dad will be gone 18 months. I can't imagine........

Feeling none to happy at the moment...

Dh called late this afternoon. I knew it probably wasn'' something so great since I had already talked to him once already that day. Rarely, if ever, do I hear from him twice in the day unless it's to tell me something I'm probably not going to like, and I was right. He got invited out tonight. His boss invited him to go to the Red Wings game, dinner before, more than likely drinks after, they will leave straight from the office, so I won't see him until late. Now, in DH's defense he did *ask* if it was Ok, but seriously, what was I going to say? No, not really an option. There seems to be a fair amount of socializing that goes along with this job. Dh seems to be able to get to get to the owner better in social type settings than in a strict office environment. With all the changes going on at work, I know he'd like to have the guys ear for awhile so off he is to the game. Plus he has been working so incredibly hard, he deserves a bit of a treat. I tried to be nice about it but I don't think I was as nice as I wanted to be. To me it's just another night of dinner alone with the kids, being responsible for homework and bed times. It's not like DH never gets out of the house....Ah well, hopefully the Wings will win and Dh will have fun.

He also told me last night that he is working hard on trying to get Steph hired at his office. I've long since given up the idea that she(or DH for that matter) want anything other than a friend type relationship but I will admit to at times having some jealous feelings. Especially when I head to bed and DH stays up to hang out with Steph. Admittedly if I had a good friend living in the house, someone who understands completely what I do for a living(cause frankly most of what they say goes right over my head), I might hang out a lot too, still it's hard at times. Now thinking about them working AND living together is, well, weird, for lack of a better word.

I know it would be good for her though. Her part time job didn't work out and since her replacement at her old job only lasted a month, she is back at there trying to do 40 hours of work, in 25. I can see how stressed she is on how tired she is, so something steady and something very definitely part time would be good. In the long run it would probably be good for DH. Since he started they have wanted someone there in the evenings, at least a few days a week. Granted they wanted to move a current employee to an afternoon type shift but they have grown so much and are so busy they could easily keep someone busy 3 nights a week. This would hopefully cut down on DH's late night at the offices too. I know it would be easier for him to know that stuff was getting done like he asked. Steph is really someone you can depend on.

I worked on getting my boxes stained over the weekend. I bought some Minwax Polyshade which is a stain and sealer in one. I wanted a darker type color so I picked antique walnut. The only problem is even with 4 coats so far, it's not that dark. I'm not sure what else to try so I may have to go with how they are. I did finish the other stitching for the other box top so I just need to get them mounted and on the boxes. I also need to make a trip to Jo-Ann's for some floss for some braids to go around the edges.

I really liked the way the Celtic cross came out and I decided to stitch the other two as Christmas ornaments for my two SIL. I spent the better part of today trying to find a Celtic inspired fabric as backing but really had no luck finding anything online. I may have to go with a solid type fabric instead. I'll have to look when I go to Jo-Ann's.

Tomorrow I plan on washing down the walls in the dining room in preparation for G's birthday party on Sunday. They really need it and it's a good excuse to get it done. Then in the evening I need to make Rice crisp treats for him to take to class on Friday.

I'm looking forward to Saturday. DH and I plan on leaving the boys with Grandma, have lunch together and then go shopping for the last few gifts needed for G's birthday. His party should be pretty interesting. Some really good friend of ours have just decided to divorce. Well, I should say he asked for one, she wasn't thrilled. It's very sticky and awkward when they are together but how can you say for her not to come. Plus she is the one who verbally attacked me last year so I can't imagine what it might be like this year . Then there is DH's brother and SIL who have decided for some reason to stop talking to most of the family. For the life of me I can't figure out what we have all done but they won't return phone calls, haven't called Dh's mom since March, and can't be bothered to show up for the nephews birthdays either(or their sisters wedding or a myraid of tother family functions in the last year). D was very disappointed in September and I'm sure G will be the same.

Yesterday was election day. I'm not all that happy with how things turned out. We re-elected our governor who I thought had done a terrible job, as well as re-elected all our congress people. Nice change people!!! Considering Michigan's economy is in the dumper. The proposals did a bit better but still I was not t thrilled to see the news this morning. I was also really surprised with the turn out. How hard is it to vote? Seriously, it takes all of 5 minutes. When I went after I picked the boys up from school I was ballot number 340. Steph went right before they closed and she was ballot number 579. So roughly only 600 hunderd people in our district voted? I'm not sure how big the district is, but it's got to be bigger than that!!!

I fed nearly 600 people over the weekend.

As predicted it was a very busy weekend. On Saturday was the spaghetti dinner for the ill Marine. We were able to get the dinner well publicized(it was on the local news) so we got a HUGE turnout. We had originally printed 300 tickets and ran out of those and we think we got about another 100 after that. Between admission price and the rafflesthey were doing all evening we raised $3600 for him and his family. Then Sunday morning was the breakfast. We had nearly 200 people(last count I saw was 190) and we just ran our butts off all morning. I was so tired last night....not to mention my feet and back are killing me today. I plan on taking it kind of easy today before I start getting the house in order for G's birthday party this weekend. I clean every day in some form or another but there is "us" clean and company "clean".

Other than those two things I didn't get much else done over the weekend so later I'll have to do some laundry and dishes. For now I'm going to go back to bed for a little while with the heating pad on my back and maybe catch another hour or so of sleep. Even though I was dead tired last night I trouble sleeping and didn't go to sleep until after midnight and was up a little before 6am. I have to admit, I do miss the boys while they are in school, but having the whole day free is just heavenly sometimes.

BRR....It's cold outside!!

Yesterday afternoon I saw this out my front window:



It has already been a really cold fall. The boys outgrew their mid-weight jackets and I was worried about getting them replaced but it seemed like they never needed them. They went straight to winter coats practically. The bus stop trips in the morning are so cold already and the afternoon trips aren't that much better.

I was able to put the last few beads into my Mira piece so she is done!!


Copyright Mirabilia Designs

It's Friday and this weekend is going to be busy. The lodge has the charity dinner on Saturday and then the breakfast on Sunday along with Hockey Saturday night. Dh has been working super hard at work the last 6 weeks or so. He is gone before we get up and stays late more nights than not They have made a lot of changes at his office equipment wise and it seems like he is in the middle of it all the time. It is really stressing him out and he comes home pretty wiped out most nights. Still he is enjoying the job and is really happy to finally being at a place that is asking for his input and actually listening to him. We are hoping for a bonus for the 3rd quarter since they were so busy but we've hoped for one each quarter and have gotten nothing yet.

I'm hoping to find the time sometime this weekend to go and get the last of what we need for G's birthday which is next weekend(my baby is 7, I'm still shocked). After that we need to start thinking about Christmas. I'm trying not to stress too much about that but it's hard not to. At this point I don't see how we are going to do it. We don't exchange gifts with many people and I'm not worried about anyone other than our boys and at this point I'm not sure what, if anything, we are going to be able to do. I just have to trust it's all going to work out in the end.

And thanks to Autumn and Lori for your comments about the boys. I often worry about my parenting skills and wonder if I'm doing something wrong. It was nice to hear other kids bicker and it's not just my boys that only seem to *hear* the Dad voice.

One good thing before I head out the door. There was a mistake with the company that prints the school pictures and about 1/2 the school received 2 packs of pictures instead of the one they ordered. Both of my boys received these mistakes so we have a bunch of pictures this year. Both took awesome pictures and I'm happy to have plenty to share!!!! I love when I mistake goes in your favor :D

I just don't get the sibling thing!

I often feel at a loss as a parent, especially boys. As a girl there are "guy" things I just don't get. I was prepared for that, what I wasn't prepared for is the "sibling rivalry".

I have a sister but she is nearly 10 years older than I was. We never fought over toys or clothes or attention. When I was starting school, she was starting dating, when I started high school, she was getting married, etc. I think the age span really contributed to why we don't get along as adults, we just don't have anything in common and are always at vastly different points in our lives. I wanted to avoid that when I had kids, hence, my boys are close in age(a little over 2 years apart).

I just don't get some of the things they fight over. It seems so silly to me. Lately the big fight has been over who gets dressed first in the morning. Why is it important? You are both leaving at the same time, going to the same bus, to the same school, Why does it matter? To avoid this fight I started assigning days, like on M, W, F G gets dressed first, the other days D does. This worked for awhile until D decided that on "his" days he's going to take an unusually long time to eat, which in turns upset G, and the more upset G gets, the happier it seems to make D. This morning it just all came to a head. The boys both woke up in really cranky moods and it was what seemed like non stop whinning and sniping at each other over this issue. Thankfully DH was still home(a rare morning lately where he is not out the door before we are up) and he stepped in. He can say the exact same thing I do, but instead of being ignored, they listened. Everyone straightened up and got dressed and out the door.

I'm also amazed at some of the behaviors I'm seeing out of D at his tender age of 9. He doesn't listen, talks back, slams doors, and has a general not so great attitude. All of these things I was expecting as a teenager, not as a 9 year old. A parent at the bus stop said maybe he will out grow it now, and maybe be a model teenager. I doubt it but I can hope!!

I'm sure eventually they will learn to get along but for now I'm often left scratching my head. DH has two older siblings, a brother 5 years older and a sister 18 months older so he can decipher some of the issues for me. I'm really grateful for that.

No internet access, no cell phone(and new pictures too!!)

I did not mean to go so long without updating my blog, because really what is the point of having one if you aren't going to use it but we've been without internet access for a a little while so that is why there has been no updates. We had car problems, nothing huge but enough that we had to chose between paying for the car, or the internet, and of course we had to chose the car.

Then the cat knocked my cell phone off the night stand. I'm not sure what her obsession is but you can't leave anything on a table or a dresser or really anyplace without her knocking it off to the floor. My cell phone broke open into 3 pieces which I knew was not good. Of course just putting it back together didn't work. We then found out the joys of trying to replace a cell phone when 1. Your plan isn't up for renewal 2. your warranty has just expired 6 weeks earlier and 3. you are not yet eligible for an "equipment upgrade". I had to use my MIL cell phone for a week or so before we could replace mine permanently.

The one thing that was really bad about the loss of the cell phone was the loss of my address book. I didn't realize there was a difference in how you stored you information. In one way it would have stored it on a chip that could be transferred to your new phone. The way I stored it was on the phone itself and with it gone, so is all the information. I lost not only phone numbers but e-mail addresses and snail mail, all of it poof. I don't know why it bothered me so much, most of what I lost was from people who don't talk to me anymore so what is the big deal? I guess I hoped that one day, maybe, that they would again, but it's more than obvious that they are not, so I guess it's ok that information is lost. This of course has made me think again of what I could of done differently. It still hurts an awful lot. I felt like I did what I could to make amends in small way over the summer but I guess it was not enough. Still I miss them all very much and wonder how they are all doing......

Isis continues to be such a nut. She is still into everything and I wonder if she will ever slow down. She has grown a fair amount and she is just really solid feeling. She is still nuts about food and will eat just about anything from marshmallows, to tea, to chips. We have to be really careful of the garbage and our food! She seems to have no fear and no matter how hard I try to teach her some manners, so far it's still not working. She is the worst with my stitching, and all over me whenever I try. None of my other cats were like this so this has been a new experience for me. She is also none to bright, I'm afraid to say. She loves to play with the "pointer on the computer screen and loves to chase things on the TV. We've had such fun with her that we are pondering adopting another cat after the first of the year, money allowing of course. I think a friend would be good for Isis and maybe give her someone else to chase and gnaw on then us and the poor dog. Here are a couple of recent pictures of her:


Chasing the TV

Nice and warm

Her one leg is a little bow legged but it sure doesn't slow her down

She loves to sleep with the dog


Speaking of stitching I have been doing a lot of it. I decided to go ahead and start a new project to see if that would spur on the stitching bug and it did. I started Black Swan's "Flight of Fancy" that I bought last February. I had put a few stitches in it somewhere along the way but I dove in and got a lot done:


Designed by Karen Wever, Copyright Black Swan

Then I started to think about Christmas. I wanted to do something nice for DH's aunt who replaced our furance earlier this year. I had originally started a MLI freebie for the box top but I really didn't like how it was turning out so I decided to do one of Mira's free cherubs on the box top. I can't remember the exact year, maybe 2004, but she just needs the rest of her beads and she is done:

copyright Mirabilia Designs

I loved how this one turned out so I think I'm going to stich the 2006 freebie for myself. It is up now on her sight and I saw a completed one and it was goregous!! I think I will stitch it for myself, minus the background. I try to stitch at least one ornament for me every year and I think this will be mine this year.

Last night was Halloween. The kids had a pretty good time except for G who shut his hand in the car door. I don't think it's too bad. His one finger is a bit swollen this morning and it's a bit painful to bend but I think it will be fine in a couple of days. The lure of candy was strong so it was hard to judge last night how bad it was hurt. Here they are in the their costumes:


G on the left, D on the right

Here are their pumpkins:


G's Pumpkin

D's Pumpkin

So I think that is it. I'm going to try to be better about updates my blog, that is as long as we continue to have internet access!!